Recently, UMass Amherst denounced Harambe references over “micro-aggression” concerns. While the flagship school might be selling all of their stock in Harambe, affiliate UMass Lowell is buying, and they’re buying big. Tonight, if you’re anywhere close to Lowell, Massachusetts, throw on your finest gorilla suit and celebrate “Harambe night” as UMasss Lowell soccer takes on Brown.
If you’re planning on watching the UMass Lowell men’s soccer team play Brown on Wednesday, we have some important news to share with you. This won’t be your ordinary college soccer game, though. Not one bit. Instead, it will be a very special night dedicated to the late Harambe. If you are one of the first 100 people at the River Hawks’ game, you’ll receive a mini Harambe, and you could win even more prizes if you wear a gorilla suit.
Normally I’d rather be doing literally anything than watching a Wednesday night footy match between UMass Lowell and Brown. Even the star striker’s parents don’t show up for games. But I guarantee that stadium is absolutely packed and rocking tonight for this game. Death Valley, The Big House, and wherever the fuck UMass Lowell plays. Electric atmosphere. Harambe puts asses in the seats, and this is going to be the hottest ticket in the Greater Boston area tonight. Brilliant gimmick from the River Hawks here.
Professors might as well cancel class today, too. With the first 100 fans getting mini Harambes, I’d be lining up in a full gorilla suit at the crack of dawn. No one will be at class; everyone’s just down at the stadium tailgating, holding Harambe candle light vigils, and waiting to get their hands on a panty-dropper mini Haram-bae.
No word yet on if costume shops throughout New England have run out of gorilla suits, but my money says they’re sold out. Whole stadium packed full of gorillas up in Lowell. It’s also like 86 and humid AF outside, so be on the lookout for headlines about drunk idiots in gorilla suits rushed to the hospital for dehydration..
Image via YouTube