UMD’s Beloved Turtle Statue Was Set On Fire In Terrible Final Exams Omen

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I vividly remember stopping by a statue in the quad during a campus tour of the university I’d eventually attend. The statue was of two stallions made of bronze. The regal, muscular beasts were up on their hind legs fighting each other. One of the stallions, the one we all assumed was winning the ferocious battle, had a really impressive, yet seemingly unnecessary, set of bronze testicles on him.

Our tour guide, a nerdy upperclassman that I had audibly expressed my disdain for during the tour, told my group of a longstanding student tradition of rubbing the stallion’s bulging balls before taking exams. It was apparently good luck to do so. I never did it. Something about rubbing another creature’s private parts in public didn’t sit well with me. I always admired those nuts from a distance each time I walked past, however.

The University of Maryland has a “good luck” exam ritual of their own that involves a campus statue. Testudo, a 1,000-pound bronze statue of a terrapin, the UMD mascot, is the site of student offerings prior to exams. Dropping sacrificial gifts at Testudo’s side, much like the rubbing of the Stallion balls, is supposed to bring students good luck while taking exams.

Well, some heartless asshole set Testudo on fire early this morning.

From the Baltimore Sun:

Sometime after midnight, Testudo was ablaze after those offerings caught fire, according to several witnesses who expressed their shock on social media.

Campus police are investigating the cause of the fire, and they said “malicious intent” has not been ruled out.

Students began tweeting about the incident. The below tweet shows Testudo’s condition throughout the day and into the night, beginning with the many offerings sitting aside and on top of the cute-as-fuck turtle, and ending with the aftermath of the fire.


Here it is again, fully ablaze:

Screen Shot 2013-12-18 at 1.29.01 PM

I have good news to report, though. The turtle is made of bronze, and its base of concrete, so, you know, he was fine after the fire. Check him out:

Screen Shot 2013-12-18 at 12.01.21 PM

An investigation is ongoing.

[via Baltimore Sun]

Images via Twitter

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Roger_Dorn

Roger Dorn (@RogerJDorn) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. He's a native Texan with a full head of hair and knows his way around a nice box of red wine. Dorn graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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  1. 41
    OMFratRebel

    Roger Dorn admiring the testicles from afar, but never mustering the courage to rub them down. Yep, he’s so deep in the closet that he found his Christmas presents.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 8 months ago
  2. 2
    dingus

    “Something about rubbing another creature’s private parts in public didn’t sit well with me.”

    In private, it’s a whole different story…

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 8 months ago
    • 2
      ChiPhiGST

      The fact that you’re bragging about the criminal record of your special teams pretty much says it all. Look for me at the game, I’ll be the drunk guy in the UMD student section saying “I told you so”

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 8 months ago
    • 0
      leaveritchin

      Whatever big guy i grew up going to herd games n rooting on the blue devils, cant wait to see your little dickless turtles and their schizo helmets eat shit…pick a fight? our special teams probably has a lengthier criminal record than you whole team. bring it son

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 8 months ago
    • 0
      OMFratRebel

      If only you hadn’t been blown away by shitty Rice. Then we could have handed your asses to you in the Music City Bowl. But getting cunt punted by Becca’s alma mater will have to suffice.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 8 months ago
    • -3
      leaveritchin

      congratulations you little arrogant spitfuck, you look like a dumbass and a worthless sack of shit. Choke on your words and die. We not only covered the spread but blasted you shitbirds in the ass. have fun getting dicked on for the rest of your pathetic existence in the big ten and next time you talk about the Herd think twice. Your future is bleak young man.

      with that said Im going to proceed to celebrate in sweet victory and consume this redds, miller, and sierra nevada in whatever order I so desire. feels good to win motherfuckers

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 8 months ago