Well, Eli did it again. As Packers fans were booking flights and hotels, and searching for Super Bowl tickets, Eli was focused and determined to blueball them, and he did. He took down the defending Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers when very few gave him a chance. He put Mr. Discount Double-Check in his place and showed him the true value of a legitimate pledgeship.
He’s had some serious success at the highest level of football. He comes from incredible NFL bloodlines. He owns a Super Bowl ring. For some reason though, this goofy looking, seemingly slow-witted, younger brother of an NFL super star is consistently overlooked and underestimated. But why doesn’t he get the credit he deserves?
Beats the fuck out of me, but let’s examine it. The following reasons are why Eli is to be respected, some of which have absolutely nothing to do with football. Just go with it anyway.
Champion Blood Lines
“He’s just Peyton’s little brother and Archie’s youngest son. He won’t live up to the Manning standard.”
Just stop already. This comment used to work, but it doesn’t anymore. His last name isn’t a reason to expect mediocrity. He’s an NFL double-leg, for fuck sake. All he does is rack up Ws and turn in one clutch performance after another. Oh yeah, he already has a ring. And as he heads to the NFC Championship, he’s two wins away from having one more Super Bowl ring than Archie and Peyton combined. And that, you assholes, is the ultimate trump card.
He Despises GDIs
Look at Eli establish dominance while staring down that geed actor from those vampire movies. That’s called a power stance. It’s the oft attempted, but rarely pulled off, power stance/disgusted look combo, and Eli has mastered it.
“Oh hey, Eli. Let’s pose for a photo real quick. I love that shade of blue, by the way. Go Giants!”
The fuck is this kid, and why is he touching me? What’s up with his hair? He looks like a lesbian Ricky Martin. I wonder if he can keep his hair looking like that after an old school Manning paddle session. I’d like to break his ass in half.
Eli’s respected frat status is well-documented, so let’s not rehash the same old generalities. Instead, let’s examine his TFTC attitude displayed in this candid photo of him.
That amazing frat shag and his half-assed half windsor says, “Hey, I showed up in a damn suit. What more do you want from me?” His appearance is not to be outdone by that shit-eating smirk, however.
That girl is eye-fucking my pants off right now. I see you over there. Yeah that’s right, I didn’t comb my hair today. I don’t even own a damn comb.
He Likes Golf and Labradors
Golf and labrador retreivers; these two staples of the iconic, successful, all-American man are just a natural part of Eli’s life. And he oddly combines the two, as you can see here.
I think I speak for us all when I say we support his golfing attire here, as well. He’s sporting the nice, casual soft blue cotton-poly blend with the standard khaki shorts look. Golf shoes? Not for Eli. See previous “TFTC” section.
Of course he goes with the man’s man choice for a dog, the well-hung yellow lab.
Eli Manning. Respect him. Don’t underestimate him.
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