Can a fraternity really have too many stripper parties? Can you really get enough of a townie who is too proud to work the drive-thru at Arby’s but not too proud to pick up a champagne bottle off the floor with her vagina while brothers throw fifty dollars worth of crumpled ones at her? I SAY NO! Mostly because irony gets me hot.
But according to emails sent by Kelly Karnes, Associate Director at the University of Iowa’s Center for Student Involvement and Leadership, it would seem that some people disagree.
From: Karnes, Kelly Jo S [mailto:email@example.com]
Sent: Tuesday, September 25, 2012 2:11 PM
To: Melissa Shaub – Director of Education and Training
Subject: RE: Sigma Alpha Epsilon Closes at Iowa
Students right now…honestly…I think that this is the tip of the iceberg. I think that SEVERAL of our fraternities have been
having these stripper parties…and we have a lot that will either follow suit or will need to clean house.
Karnes’ email is in reference to the recent closing of the SAE house at Iowa after hazing allegations were brought against the chapter. There were also claims that wild stripper parties were being held at the house. Karnes believes that many other chapters hold similar events.
So I guess I have two questions….
1) What’s the big fucking deal?
Yes I understand that there are probably a multitude of rules against having strippers at certain events or on certain property, blah blah blah. But really, the more I think about it, the more I wonder, who cares? These are all legal adults, and if they want to see some townie’s inbred, cornfed titties then I say let them! I know we like to make a lot of dead stripper jokes around here, I mean, who doesn’t? But for every Duke Lacrosse team (oh wait, that case was bullshit anyway) there are hundreds of private shows that don’t end with a shallow, pledge dug grave, a few bagfuls of fast acting lime, and someone frantically screaming “WHAT GETS BLOOD AND GLITTER OUT!?!”
That is all to say, the women aren’t in any danger of being treated inappropriately…for a stripper, and that has to be the other main concern, right? Besides, the strippers usually bring security, and NOBODY wants to fuck with the ex-trucker who’s packing heat. We’ve got a lot more to live for than he does, and it’s not worth violating whatever no touching zone is in place just to see if the training he received during his days in a rural, private militia is effective or not. So if it’s legally okay and there’s no danger, other than an ill-timed Hell’s Angels gang brawl flashback from the security guy, then what’s the big deal? I get it, it’s about appearances, but even then it’s not worth the freak outs that these parties apparently illicit from authority figures.
2) How many stripper parties are going on at Iowa fraternity houses?
God I hope it’s a lot. There probably aren’t a lot, because I assume anyone who freaks out about a stripper party doesn’t know what an acceptable number of stripper parties would be (seventeen per semester). But what if every weekend in Iowa City was a glittery boob festival, with strippers moving from fraternity house to fraternity house like Greek Row was a carousel of cash grab machines? If that’s the case then, well, I’d have to take a TFM business trip to Iowa City ASAP.
Don’t let the administration keep you down, Iowa fraternities. If you want some trailer park princess writhing around on your social chair’s face while “Pour Some Sugar on Me” is blaring in the background, I say go for it.