The University of Kansas does not have a good football team. That previous sentence is an understatement. It’s an understatement on par with, “Joseph Kony is a naughty man.” The University of Kansas football team is fucking terrible. But you already know this. This is, after all, the school that was not so long ago shut out of the end zone by North Dakota State University…at home. This is the team that practiced their win celebration, just so they could actually celebrate something. This is the school that once couldn’t sell out a Groupon for free football tickets. In arguably the most boring state in America, people proved that attending a Kansas football game would be worse than doing nothing at all. Great basketball fans, though. *Cough*FRONT RUNNERS!*Cough*FAIR WEATHER!*Cough*
Kansas coach Charlie Weis realizes how bad his team is — they went 1-11 with zero Big 12 wins last year — and presumably while in between servings at the Big 12 Media Days buffet (they have killer bacon wrapped scallops), admitted as much.
Via the Kansas City Star:
“We’re 1-11 and picked by everybody to finish last in the league, and that’s justifiable,” Weis said. “If I were you, I’d pick us in the same spot. We’ve given you no evidence or no reason to be picked anywhere other than that.”
After wrestling the last rack of ribs away from Jason Whitlock, Weis explained his recruiting pitch to KU recruits. It might be the saddest in the nation.
“Everyone wants to play,” Weis said. “There’s no one that wants to not play. I said, ‘Have you looked at that pile of crap out there? Have you taken a look at that?’ So if you don’t think you can play here, where do you think you can play? It’s a pretty simple approach. And that’s not a sales pitch. That’s practical. You’ve seen it, right? Unfortunately, so have I.”
If you aren’t familiar with me as a TFM writer, and/or haven’t read my bio below, I’m a Missouri Tiger fan and alumnus, so, to these eyes, the above quote is just absolutely beautiful. Charlie Weis, the head coach of the University of Kansas’ football team, refers to his own squad as a “pile of crap.” He called them a pile of crap, preseason mind you, to the media, and presumably by his own admission, does so to incoming recruits as well. My God, does it get even better, though. Weis’ recruiting pitch is simply, “We’re all you got, so sign up for the team or don’t play anywhere, because this is Kansas, no other school is gonna take you.”
Just excellent stuff. What else can Weis even say, though? Sure, he has three Super Bowl rings, but that was so long ago, and there has been so much awfulness between his last bit of success and now that his football accolades are worth about as much to people as O.J. Simpson’s. Not to mention, a Kansas player has a better shot at being drafted by falling into a wormhole that transports him back to 1969, where he then somehow gets entered into Selective Service and sent to Vietnam, than he does being selected by an NFL team next April.
While Kansas’ 2013 potential is looking better than 2012’s outcome (how could it not), there still isn’t much hope for success. Essentially, coming away with one Big 12 win would be considered an achievement for this team, er, pile of crap. Not my words, guys.
[via The Kansas City Star]