“I love my country” being my only statement on the police report when the cop asked me why I was running down the street waving the Stars and Stripes at 3:00am. TFM.
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Finding a lot of things to dislike about your girlfriend as soon as fall semester begins. TFM.
Confidently thinking everyone smaller than you doesn’t lift and everyone bigger than you takes steroids. TFM.
“Who ordered the stripper?” when a female cop knocks on your door about a noise complaint. TFM.
Explaining to the cops that your pledges were all lined up like that because they were doing the Ice Bucket Challenge. TFM.
First one in my family not to attend an Ivy League school, also the first one in my family to have a threesome. TFM.
Not worrying about a possible ebola outbreak, because after living in the frat house, there’s nothing your immune system can’t handle. TFM.