University Of North Dakota Narrowed Potential New Nicknames To Three, They’re All Garbage

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Life is troubling in North Dakota. Other than the recurring issue of the majority of your fellow countrymen forgetting your existence, they’re also struggling to put together a trio of nickname options worth a damn.

After the University of North Dakota was told by the NCAA that they’re a bunch of offensive assholes when they sport the Fighting Sioux nickname, they dropped the name altogether and went on a search for a new nickname to slap on their jerseys. To be fair, the potential options that stem from something directly related to the state itself are very few. Some of those options would include naming themselves the Fighting Western Meadowlarks (state bird), the Elms (state tree), or the Chokecherries (state fruit), none of which are the least bit appealing to a college audience.

What the nickname committee has come up with isn’t much better, though.

From Grand Forks Herald:

And then there were three.

Fighting Hawks, Roughriders and Nodaks will be up for a second vote as UND’s future athletic nickname.

Results of a five-day public vote released Sunday show 31 percent of voters chose Fighting Hawks over Nodaks, Sundogs, Roughriders and North Stars.

What a selection. The voters displayed some sound judgement by kicking the crap combination of Sundogs and North Stars out of the running, but the selection committee didn’t give them much else to work with. They’re now forced to select between the three remaining options, all of which have their own issues.

Fighting Hawks screams perennial cellar dweller of a pee wee hockey league. These are the guys that have the most feared name in the league, yet game day arrives and a scrawny crew of misfits comes strolling into the arena. Just as Roughriders is a name often used by second and third tier North American professional sports teams, you don’t want that kind of association, regardless of its origin. You’re the flagship university of your state. You are practically required to find a nickname that puts you on the mascot map in a positive way.

Finally, the third option, Nodaks, would have the school nicknaming themselves a slang version of their own state’s name. They’d essentially become the University of North Dakota North Dakotas, an option that comes close to horrifying enough to send Sundogs back into the running.

Fighting Hawks: 6,960 votes; 31.20 percent

Roughriders: 4,687 votes; 21.01 percent

Nodaks: 4,571 votes; 20.49 percent

North Stars: 3,231 votes; 14.48 percent

Sundogs: 2,858 votes; 12.81 percent

Surprisingly, the leading candidate was the least submitted nomination of them all. Out of the thousands of nickname suggestions received by the committee in April, Fighting Hawks was submitted twice, compared to Roughriders and Nodaks, which were submitted 650 and 124 times, respectively.

The list of nicknames submitted to the committee but not considered is well over 600 pages long. I spent a minute or two and picked out some of the best suggestions and their stated rational.

  1. 2% Terrorists – These terrorists forcing this thing amount to 2%
  2. abcdefghjklmnpqrtvwyz – The letters s, i, o, u, and x have deleted from the alphabet because we are not the sioux.
  3. AIR SUPPLY – Just has a ring to it. Maybe because I grew up in the 70s
  4. Anal Seepers – Anal seepage is a staple of campus life at UND
  5. Aryan Brotherhood – White Dominated school
  6. Backwoods Hicks – Sorry, thought we were just saying things about North Dakota
  7. Big dick north dakotans – We have the biggest dicks
  8. Big ‘ol Pussies – The People and Government of ND showed what spineless cowards they are by laying down to the daft PC crowd.Nice Job! / Go Pussies! (Just Go!)
  9. Boobs – Boobs are great. Lets glorify boobs instead of being racist
  10. Cousin Fuckers – Because everyone on campus has at least thought about fucking their cousins – if they haven’t already actually done it.
  11. Cum Dumpsters – Because most people on campus openly get cum dumped in and/or on them.
  12. Fighting Boys Named Sue – You oughta thank me before I die for the gravel in your guts and the spit in your eye, ’cause I’m the sonofabitch that named you Sue

Well, maybe there is a reason those were the chosen three.

Check out the entire list of rejected nicknames HERE.

[via Grand Forks Herald]

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