University of Oklahoma Student Congress Votes Against Banning of Cargo Shorts

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Nice Move

A few members of the University of Oklahoma Student Congress were apparently fed up with the rest of the GDI-laden student body, and they responded by introducing a bill that would ban cargo shorts from all committee meetings. I mean I can imagine how they must have been so distracting as to interfere with the meeting agendas.

Drastic action clearly needed to be taken, and thankfully someone stepped up to the plate. That someone is Jeremy Allen, OU student and presumed Greek standout.

Student Congress attempted to ban cargo shorts during regular meetings and committee meetings with violators being punished with actions such as but not limited to “additional constituent service, having to stand for the duration of the session,” among other punishments, according to the bill.

Get a load of this Jeremy Allen character, the OU student who wrote the bill. He’s one intense hombre. “This is just the first step,” bill author Jeremy Allen said. “Jorts, Crocs, it is all on the table.” You gotta throw hair gel in there while you’re at it, Jeremy. That shit always threw me off in class when the kid in front of me was all gelled up. This is all just unconducive to the proper learning environment.

Representatives had a lively discussion debating how far the bill would go and whether the punishments would be considered hazing.

“It could be amended so that it wouldn’t haze students,” Allen said.

The discussion lasted about 10 minutes before the bill was voted down by a resounding majority of 19 against and two supporting. Six representatives abstained from the vote.

Jeremy just bein’ Jeremy. “Okay fiiiine, we don’t have to haze the cargo wearers. I was really just hoping to pass this thing and iron out the details later.”

Allow me to provide some perspective to this situation. Over in Chapel Hill, North Carolina, school administrators at UNC have discontinued the term “freshman” from all university documents and websites, because it was deemed too gender exclusive. Compare that to the students at OU attempting to limit shorts pockets to the standard two-in-front, two-in-back.

I love this country.

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