University Of Virginia Students Panic Over Dorm Raid Rumors

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Nice Move

From Rugby Road to Vinegar Hill, we’re gonna get drunk tonight.
The faculty’s afraid of us; They know we’re in the right.
So fill up your cups, your loving cups, as full as full can be.
For as long as love and liquor last, we’ll drink to the U of V.

The University of Virginia likes its alcohol. That’s why practically the entire University lost its shit when rumors of dorm raids arose.

Around 1:30 PM, members of the university’s Greek life soon learned through Facebook, email, and text messages that something was going on that threatened their very way of life. Specifically, a rumor went out that campus police and Virginia’s Alcoholic Beverage Control were conducting dorm raids on a search for illegal alcohol possession.

Everyone from the school’s official newspaper, The Cavalier Daily, to the Dean of Students Allen Groves seemed to be unsure of whether or not the raids were a hoax.

Rather than consider how ludicrous it would be for the university founded by Thomas Jefferson to so quickly take a steaming shit on the Fourth Amendment, underage students living in dorms sprung into action. First-year students sprinted out of their classes and back to their dorms to remove any traces of their booze and avoid the legal ramifications.

What followed was a mix of pure capitalism and horror. Many upperclassmen took advantage of the buyers’ market and bought up liquor bottles for pennies on the dollar. Some first-years tried to drink the rest of their stock before it was taken. Finally, the most desperate students, with too much liquor to drink at once and no one to buy it from them, poured out their booze and dumped the bottles unceremoniously into trash cans.

The best part of all of this? Today was one of many “Days on the Lawn” for prospective students. Yeah kids, UVA students take alcohol this seriously.

It was all just a rumor, thankfully.

[via The Washington Post]

Image via ASG Architects

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