1. Anything you made in your air fryer
2. Ted Cruz’s dick
3. Coleslaw (Fuck coleslaw)
4. The eggs he made me the next morning
5. Turkey (It tastes like napkins, don’t @ me)
6. Anything on the Long John Silver’s menu (That franchise is 100% a money laundering scheme)
7. Vegan cheese
8. Flavored lube (The taste lasts for hours, and he only lasts for minutes)
9. A meal prepared by Armie Hammer
10. My ex’s micropenis (Had to Google that and make sure it’s one word…definitely didn’t also click “images”)
11. Steak your fraternity brother grilled
12. Those wafers they serve during communion (The body of Christ has no business being inside me)
13. My words
14. Corn tortillas (They have the same consistency as toilet paper…I imagine)
15. Fruit as “dessert”
16. Anything someone describes as “Tasting just like the real thing”
17. McDonald’s Filet-O-Fish (I broke up with a guy for ordering that, don’t ignore red flags)
18. Pineapple pizza (I’d break up with my current boyfriend if he ordered it)
19. Ice cream under 75 calories per serving
20. A 7-Eleven hot dog (That’s a lie. I’m not above eating gas station meats.)
Morgan Williams
