Vanderbilt Coach James Franklin Is Still Shameless And Awesome, Now Recruiting Unborn Children

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Nice Move

Vandy head coach James Franklin has a knack for making headlines. There probably isn’t a head coach in football who gives fewer fucks, about anything. Thankfully for Franklin, he’s built a winning program, which means people think his antics are “hilarious” and “honest” instead of “obnoxious” and “distracting.” Winning will do that. Personally, I love the guy. Claiming you hired your assistant coaches based on the attractiveness of their wives is a TFM if I’ve ever heard one, plus he had the balls to call Nick Saban the devil.

Franklin has continued the ridiculousness with his latest admission, that he recruits unborn children, because of course he does.

On Monday, the Vanderbilt head football coach admitted that he routinely sells the scholarship virtues of Commodore athletics to expecting parents, prior to the birth of their son or daughter.

“If I see a 6-foot-6 man walking in the mall with his wife, and she’s 6-2 and she’s pregnant, I’ll go up and offer their unborn child,” Franklin told The Tennesseean.

It’s safe to say James Franklin is always on. What are the odds he pickets Planned Parenthood and talks any athletic looking couples trying to go in from having an abortion?

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(*A 6’8 muscular guy and his lean, 6’2 wife walk up to Planned Parenthood. Vanderbilt Coach James Franklin jumps in their way*)

Franklin: Whoa whoa whoa hold on a minute! You might wanna re-think this.

(*The Guy instinctively jumps in front of Franklin and shields his wife*)

Guy: Get out of our way you crazy protester! We have every right to get an abortion if we want to. We aren’t ready to have a child.

Franklin: (impressed) That was some nice footwork. What’d you play?

Guy: What?

Girl: Honey, I’m scared.

Franklin: I’m asking what position you played. Football man!

Guy: (confused) I, uh, tight end. All the way through junior college. Plus power forward on my high school basketball team.

Franklin: And you’re gonna abort that beautiful All-American swimming around inside of her?

Girl: It’s my right to choose! Keep your religious bullshit to yourself.

Franklin: Hey now, hold on. I’m no protester. The name’s James Franklin.

Guy: As in the head coach of Vanderbilt’s football team?

Franklin: You got it. All I’m trying to say is, if you don’t want that baby, why not give it to me? Vandy will pay your medical expenses, and then after you give birth I’ll take it and we’ll raise the boy in our athletic complex. We got lots of real nice cribs and cots in the storage closet behind the weight room. We’ll raise him, train him, teach him the game, then when he’s 18 we put that hoss on the team. And I promise he’ll never even know his parents wanted to flush him down the toilet. By the time he’s grown I’ll have a super team of orphans.

Girl: Honey, now I’m more scared.

Franklin: C’monnnn. Gimme your baby.

Guy: Jesus Christ! Run for it, sweetie!

(*Guy and Girl run off frightened. Franklin kicks the dirt, frustrated.*)

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That’s why Nick Saban is the best. He has first borns promised to him in contract, blood signature and all, long before anyone is pregnant. This day and age in SEC recruiting, once the player is in utero they’re already out the door. Unfortunately, Franklin doesn’t take it that seriously. He doesn’t really take anything seriously, which is refreshing.

“I’m not exaggerating. I do that all the time. If I go to speak at an elementary school, if I’m out at a restaurant, we kind of have fun with it. It’s about developing a relationship with people. It’s about getting them connected with Vanderbilt. It’s about making people laugh and telling a story and having fun. It’s about having a sense of humor and not being some robot coach that I don’t want to be.”

James Franklin, the only way anyone will ever accuse you of being a robot coach is if you show up to a press conference on Halloween dressed as and talking like a robot, which seems infinitely more likely than you suddenly losing your personality. Keep on being you, because it is wildly entertaining.

[via Fox Sports South]

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