Few places on the planet more closely resemble Hell’s waiting room than the New Orleans airport, especially on a Sunday. Every single person there looks like a sinner resigned to their fate.
“Let me burn, I deserve it,” their sunken, shame filled eyes say as they stare blankly at the carpet below them.
It’s one of the worst places to be hungover in that I have ever experienced. The collective regret in the air is so thick you could cut it with a knife. The knife you found in the bed of your Canal Street hotel when you woke up that morning, with no idea how it got there or what you used it for (though it definitely looks used), for example.
Everybody there is so anxious, the Sunday Scaries so intense, that they should have a little panic attack robot that comes around and dispenses an appropriate amount of Xanax to everyone.
Suffice it to say, the place is already bad enough. You’re always one wrong stimulus away from collapsing onto the floor and crying when you’re waiting to depart at the New Orleans airport. So if, for example, you were waiting in the security line there and a crazed man pulled out a can of wasp spray and a machete and started attacking the TSA agents, you’d very probably have an immediate nominee for worst day of your life.
Here’s a video of that very act, from 2015, though the video itself is newly released.
Honestly, I’ve had mornings so bad in that airport that if this guy caught me on the wrong one I might have very well thrown up my hands and said, “Just do it man. End it.”
I need a beer to calm my nerves just watching this. It’s giving me anxiety thinking about how much that would suck to experience while my blood was still 40% hand grenade. To be fair, it didn’t happen on a Sunday, but I can’t really imagine a time I wouldn’t be departing the New Orleans airport feeling like a very strong transvestite smashed my skull with a loose Bourbon Street brick. (That’s not a euphemism for a hangover headache. Just feels like something that would happen in New Orleans.)
The machete wielder was also carrying six explosive devices, and ended up getting shot in the leg and dying after he refused to let his wounds be treated, because apparently he was a Jehova’s Witness. Yeah that all sounds pretty on par for that hallway of nightmares..
[via The Huffington Post]