Video Of Lies Shows Smart Car “Beating” A Mustang In A Drag Race

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Nice Move

stang

I initially found this video on The Chive, under the headline “Smart Car absolutely destroys mustang at drag race.” If this was a carnival, I’d call shenanigans, run home, grab my broom, and pummel whoever orchestrated this lie.

I have made my feelings on Smart Cars known before. Their safety rivals that of a soap box derby car constructed from particle board, they get relatively shitty gas mileage (30 to 40 miles per gallon is NOT efficient for a car that size), and they just look stupid, which is a valid criticism of a car, so shut up. It’s not that you need to drive a Tahoe or an F-150 to be a good, ‘MERICAN car owner, it’s just that there’s almost* no point to spend a portion of every day risking flaming death in what looks like a stylish European clown car. (A mime car?)

*The one practical element to Smart Cars I will cede is that they make parking MUCH more convenient, which is apparently why they are so popular in cities like San Francisco. In many other places, such as Austin, however, they have no practicality whatsoever and are under constant threat of getting stuck under the wheel well of a pickup while being passed on the highway.

So, when I watched this video of a Smart Car “beating” a Mustang in a drag race, I shouted “shenanigans” and stole a broom from the janitor. Here’s the video:

My first thought when watching this was, “FLIP! FLIP! FLIP!”

I have no doubt that a Smart Car can probably initially accelerate faster than a Mustang–for about 10 feet–but there’s no way it outpaces one longer than a quarter mile, an eighth of a mile, or even 1,000 feet. According to zeroto60times.com, this decade’s Shelby GT Mustangs can hit 60 mph in about four seconds (the 2013 comes in at 3.5). Those Shelbys can also do a quarter mile in roughly 12 seconds. The ’08 Smart Car in the video does zero to 60 in about 15 seconds, assuming the driver is a 140 pound vegan with nothing from the co-op market sitting in the passenger seat. So no, this didn’t legitimately happen. I’ve driven behind too many Smart Cars on Mopac struggling along at 55 and shaking violently, ready to disintegrate at what is practically warp speed for them, to believe that any of them could be legitimately good at going fast.

But all of that is moot, because if you go to the YouTube page for the video, the description clearly says that the Mustang won. It does say that the Smart Car gave the Mustang a good race, but that Mustang didn’t look like it was going all out. Sort of like when you let your little brother score a bucket or two in basketball, just to make him feel better–before ending on a 10-0 run, because YOU NEVER FORGET WHO’S IN CHARGE HERE, BITCH.

TL;DR: Smart Cars are stupid. This video is lies. The Mustang won, giving another victory to America, fireworks, and titties.

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