Watch This Fraternity Nerd Deliver The Greatest, Most Unnecessary Flag Football Speech FUCKING EVER

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I can’t tell if I love unnecessarily intense intramural guy, or if I hate unnecessarily intense intramural guy’s guts. Nevertheless, he’s an entertaining creature. A guy that leads his team onto the flag football field like they’re storming Normandy Beach to risk their lives for their country is a guy I want to know–and obviously make fun of.

Here’s the Patton-esque speech from a Pi Kappa Phi, who is donning his fraternity flag around over his shoulders in case you forget which fraternity he’s in:

“When you’re in the game, I don’t care if you’re tired, if you get knocked down, you’re gonna be a man as soon as you get back up. Alright. So you can get knocked down a hundred FUCKING TIMES, but if you get up that one hundred and first, you’re a fucking man! And you’ll always be a fucking man!”

And the really uncomfortable video:

Yo, player. It’s just flag football. No one is getting knocked down, so chill the fuck out. That shit’s a penalty in flag football. Flag gets pulled, and boom, the play is over. That’s it.

I feel I need to try and re-write this speech to make it more flag football appropriate. Here it goes:

When you’re in the game, I don’t care if you’re winded after two plays from being grossly out of shape, if someone grabs your flag from your waist, you’re just gonna pick it up and reattach it to you so you can play the next play. Alright. So you can get your flag pulled a hundred FREAKING TIMES, but if you put your flag back on your waist that one hundred and first, you can just keep being in the next play. And as long as you continue doing this each time, you can remain in the game.

Image via YouTube

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Roger_Dorn

Roger Dorn (@RogerJDorn) is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. He's a native Texan with a full head of hair and knows his way around a nice box of red wine. Dorn graduated (BBA) with a GPA sitting in the meaty part of the bell curve, not lagging behind, but not trying to show off, either. Golf is his game now. He's long off the tee but can't putt for shit. Email: dillon@grandex.co

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  1. 138
    TTokenM

    If you don’t take intramural this seriously, then whats the point of playing? This is America, winning is everything. If you play, you win, if you lose, then you need to rethink your strategy so you can go out and win next time.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 5 months ago

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