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We Settle The Biggest Feud In The Portland Strip Club Scene Between Vegans And Normals

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Besides being famous as a haven for hippies, liberals, and weird donuts, Portland, Oregon is perhaps best known for having more strip clubs per capita than any city in the U.S.

And in this city of bare, jiggling titties, there has been a war raging for eons between two primal forces: The Acropolis, a sprawling club owned by a rancher with the cheapest steaks in Portland, and Casa Diabolo II, the all-vegan place next door.

From Willamette Week:

Some background: Acropolis is perhaps the most classic strip club in Portland that isn’t Mary’s Club, known for offering cheap-ass steaks because its owner also owns a cattle ranch.

Its neighbor, Dusk Til Dawn: Casa Diablo II, is the “sequel” to Casa Diablo, the vegan strip club every touring comedian sees fit to mention onstage—known for being sued by its own dancers, for annoying the Secret Service by staining $2 bills red, and for being, you know, a vegan strip club. Its second location, next to Acropolis, was protested for months before opening.

The fight got so bad it actually ended up with Acropolis erecting a wall to separate good, pure, meat-loving Americans from the savage, inhuman hippies next door, while Casa dancers chanted “Vegan not veal! Sizzle not steak!” in protest. But like a much more famous wall down south, occasionally the God-fearing gentlefolk of this fair land get tempted by the enticing, twisted delights on the other side of the border, and are compelled to venture into darker territory.

So who is the victor in this war of vegans and strip steaks? We got a couple of locals to weigh in.

“Paul” is regular patron of many of the fine establishments around the Rose City, so much so that he knows a lot of the bouncers by name. “Rich” is the kind of guy who will pass up a beer at Kells because he “can’t afford it” but immediately pulls out a wad of one hundred singles once the girls start dancing. Priorities.

Paul: So Acropolis is like Amsterdam. It’s tame, it’s accessible, it’s the kind of place you’d take your cousins to go see something. Like the Applebees of strip clubs. Casa Diabolo is something completely different. It’s full contact, so you can slap their asses and stuff if you want, but it gets real dirty real quick.

The Casa girls may be vegan, but that’s just because whatever prison they broke out of fed them nothing but kale, potatoes and rage.

You have to watch your wallet in that place too, they go through your money alarmingly quickly. $2 a song and $40 for a dance.

Rich: Really? Rouge charges $50 minimum, and you can’t even touch them.

Paul: Well Rouge has models and stuff. You get what you pay for.

I went to Casa with my friend Sancho once, and he got seduced by a big booty stripper with massive jugs and pepperoni nips. But she just kind of sat on top of him, so there wasn’t much he could do about it.

Not for scrubs, and not for the faint of heart, but if you want to ride that dark horse, just prepare to be bucked.

Rich: Back to Acropolis, the place is all about value. That steak is the cheapest, freshest hunk of meat in Portland. I’d say definitely go to Acropolis if you want to get some good food and see some average tiddies. We meet for a double birthday every January there for some of the guys and it’s always a good time. Dances are only $20 so you can get a Miller and some value.

Paul: It’s also important to point out that the Acropolis has this burger that’s the size of a damn hubcap, with like 2 lbs of fries for like $10. Easily a win.

There you have it. Suck it vegans, Acropolis is the better club. You can stop chanting now, it’s getting annoying.

[via Willamette Week]

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Doctor Franzia

*Not qualified to practice medicine*

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