Week 4 College Football Picks: How To Brush Yourself Off When Vegas Kicks You In The Nuts

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Yup, that one hurt. Last week’s article was appropriately titled “Vegas Is Pissed And It Wants Its Money Back” because it did just that. Sin City raked in last week. Floating lines, stacked home games, and a few upsets gave Vegas a leg up on most of week three’s picks. But like every uncomfortable nut shot, we are getting back up and dusting ourselves off. Wasting no time at all, here are your week four college football picks.

TSG Lock Of The Week

Indiana vs. Missouri

Spread: Mizzou -14
TSG Pick: Mizzou -14
Summary: We are going back to the basics. Old faithful Mizzou has given bettors little to nothing to worry about by the end of the third quarter. Mizzou is 15-2 against the spread since the start of last season, and we’ve got to keep rolling the hot dice. Maty Mauk is still going through growing pains, however, at least according to the numbers; but Mauk is arguably the best quarterback in the SEC. The Mizzou D-line has also picked up right where it left off last year and will keep Indiana on the ropes all afternoon. Mizzou by 21 or more points.

Thursday Night

Auburn vs. Kansas State

Spread: Auburn -9
TSG Pick: Auburn -9
Summary: We’re betting against the home team on a Thursday night game here. We aren’t crazy, though. You would normally guess the spread for a Thursday night showdown between two ranked opponents would go with the home team, but we aren’t wagering against Gus. He is arguably the best X and Os coach in college football right now with a high powered attack that’s similar to Oregon’s. The Tigers’ execution will damper any momentum the fans have and Bill Snyder will try to feed the Wildcats by the second half.

Friday Night

There are no Friday night games worth gambling on. Spend the evening blacking out and planning tailgates.

Saturday

Oregon vs. Washington State

Spread: Oregon -24
TSG Pick: Oregon -24
Summary: It’s Oregon. The Ducks played pretty pedestrian last week and still won by 42. Washington State may score a few touchdowns, but Oregon will close this one out by 35 points.

Florida vs. Alabama

Spread: Alabama -15
Pick: Alabama -15
Summary: Oh, how Alabama has fallen. 2013 Alabama would have been slated as a 50-point favorite against this poor excuse for Gator football. It took this Florida team two overtimes to beat a very average Kentucky football team at home in The Swamp. If you watch Florida’s first overtime touchdown, the left tackle actually started the play early (or on time, if he was trying to beat the play clock) which should have pushed the Gators back five yards. We aren’t refs, though. We’re only drunken spectators, so what do we know?

Oklahoma vs. West Virginia

Spread: Oklahoma -8
Pick: Oklahoma -8
Summary: Oklahoma looked very strong last Saturday at home finishing off Tennessee. West Virginia can score points in a hurry and showed some grit against a confused Alabama offense in week one; however, West Virginia still lost by 10. Oklahoma will figure out a way to win this game by two touchdowns, but don’t expect it to be a blowout. And if West Virginia wins? Fuck it, we will gladly take the lost pick.

Tulane vs. Duke

Spread: Duke -17
TSG Pick: Duke -17
Summary: Funny, this is the exact same spread as the Kansas/Duke game last week. We don’t want to say Tulane is a better ball team than Kansas, so we will just say the teams are on par. Duke cruises like it did last week and wins this one by three or more touchdowns at home. But who knows, Duke may be worse than we think–the Blue Devils did allow three points against Kansas and only scored 41.

Texas A&M vs. SMU

Spread: A&M -34
TSG Pick: A&M -34
Summary: Kenny Hill and Sumlin have the Aggies ROLLING. Former SMU coach June Jones recently resigned like a captain bailing on his sinking ship. We can’t blame him though; the Mustangs have only scored six points in two games, while allowing 88. SMU may give up 88 this Saturday.

Central Michigan vs. Kansas

Spread: Kansas -3
TSG Pick: CMU +3
Summary: I haven’t watched a Central Michigan game in three years. We aren’t even doing any research on this pick. Kansas football is the shit stain of the Big 12 and college football in general, and we can only assume the shit stain will stink it up this weekend. Again, no research, so if you’re betting on all our games, you may want to omit this one. Still, we are very confident CMU will pull out the victory.

South Carolina vs. Vanderbilt

Spread: SC -23
TSG Pick: SC -23
Summary: Vandy has had the luxury of starting its season off with four straight home games and the team has done nothing to take advantage of this. We can only imagine the stands were empty for last week’s BARBURNER 34-31 victory versus UMass. It took Vandy three games to score its first touchdown, you guys. To no surprise, the Gamecocks are going to kick the shit out of the Commies on their home turf. This will be the most boring football game on TV by the second quarter.

Clemson vs. Florida State

Spread: Florida State -20
TSG Pick: Clemson +20
Summary: We made this pick before the Jameis news broke, and this line may drop at an incredible pace. At first we intended to stay away from this game, but fuck it. There’s no point in gambling if we sit on the sidelines for the game of the week. Plus, with Jameis being out for the first half, this game will be a lot more interesting. Look here–20 points is a lot. Florida State isn’t the team it was last year, and it sounds like Jameis is losing the little self control he had (“Fuck her right in the pussy?” Come on, man.) On top of that, Clemson is still pissed off about that embarrassment last year. It’s highly unlikely Florida State will show up and blow out Clemson by 47 similar to 2013, but last year was very unexpected as well. Take the points on this one. Florida State will win by 17.

There you have it, week four’s golden ticket–10 games that are sure to fund your horrible alcoholic/drug habit at least until next week’s Thursday night game. Like always, we welcome your idiotic comments. Follow us @TokenSportsGuys to track our Saturday football blackout from start to finish.

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