Week Two College Football Picks: Time To Make Serious Cash

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Christ. Week one is luckily in the books. Two of our spreads were missed by a single point, one pushed, and two were just destroyed. A week like that will make the amateur bettor tuck his shriveling nutsack and run. Vegas is a fickle bitch, and she proved it time and time again with her accurate handicaps and tempting O/Us this past weekend. The one great thing about a week of college football, besides getting a chance to watch the football, of course, is that we all just gained a goldmine’s worth of information for this week’s betting session. Lines are starting to open up a bit more clearly. The writing on the wall is a bit more legible. Things are starting to add up. Week two is the week in which we all bounce back, starting in Utah.

Utah State @ Utah

Spread: Utah -13.5
TSG Pick: Utah State +13.5
Summary: Utah had the pleasure of silencing the Michigan dick-riding fanbase last Thursday as a home underdog. Utah State looked like shit and only managed to squeeze out a three point victory against Southern Utah. Still, Utah State has a couple key linebackers in Nick Vigil and Kyle Fackrell, and Utah has a tendency to rely on Devontae Booker and the running game, which leads us to believe that USU can keep it within the 13 point spread.

Oregon State @ Michigan

Spread: Michigan -16.5
TSG Pick: Oregon State +16.5
Summary: Vegas has gone batshit on whatever Michigan is supplying. Every year, we will find a team that leaves us scratching our heads with incredibly favorable match-ups and lines. Thanks to Harbaugh, Michigan seems to be that team so far. Oregon State is nothing to write home about by any means, however, we saw enough in the Beavers’ true freshman quarterback Seth Collins, along with the lack of continuity from the Wolverines, to expect Oregon State not to lose by two touchdowns and a field goal.

Georgia @ Vanderbilt

Spread: Georgia -20
TSG Pick: Georgia -20
Summary: It took the Bulldogs only three quarters to rack up 51 points at home against Louisiana Monroe before the game was called off due to weather (or mercy. Mercy from God, maybe?). Vanderbilt performed as well as everyone expected a team like Vanderbilt to perform, and somehow managed to drop their 2015 home opener against the WKU Hilltoppers. User TyWebb88, presumably a butthurt Commodore fan, whined in the comments section last week: “Bacon you pasty fuck I know you write these. Mizzou is a piss stain on the SEC too.” First and foremost…Bacon isn’t picking shit that we are writing. Secondly, please stop comparing the shitstain of a football brand Vanderbilt to the back-to-back SEC East champions. Show some damn respect, TyWebb88.

Back to the pick…Nick Chubb is going to score at least three touchdowns on his own. Vandy will be lucky to put two touchdowns on the Bulldogs before cleanup duty. Georgia will be disappointed with anything less than a four-touchdown victory.

Tulane @ Georgia Tech

Spread: GTech -28
TSG Pick: GTech -28
Summary: Did anyone catch the Yellow Jackets in action this past week? Nine touchdowns on the ground. 476 yards rushing. 69-6 victory. Georgia Tech looked in mid-season form, while Tulane was getting beat like a drum against a Duke Blue Devils team that has a lot of questions marks surrounding all sides of the ball. Somehow, Tulane managed to score a meaningless touchdown against Duke in garbage time. If Duke is giving the Green Wave the business by 30, expect Georgia Tech to beat the Wave by 40. Four touchdowns is a safe bet for GTech in Atlanta.

Notre Dame @ Virginia

Spread: ND -12
TSG Pick: ND -12
Summary: As much as we hate to say it, the Golden Domers looked real sharp against Texas this past weekend. Real Sharp. Quarterback Malik Zaire went 19 for 22 with three TDs and 313 yards against Texas, leaving South Bend fans prematurely buying their CFB playoff tickets. If Notre Dame can continue to put pressure on the quarterback, Virginia will be in a world of trouble in their home opener. We honestly think Texas may be on the exact same level as Virginia, and we expect a similar result coming out of this game. ND covers.

Middle Tennessee @ Alabama

Spread: Alabama -35
TSG Pick: Alabama -35
Summary: Mid Tenn threw up 70 points last week and looked extremely efficient in moving and scoring the football against an underclassed Jackson State. Hell will freeze over if Middle Tennessee scores even a quarter of that, which we don’t foresee happening. Derrick Henry and Alabama will score anywhere within the 50-60 point range this Saturday, all the while holding Middle Tennessee to under 20.

Oklahoma @ Tennessee

Spread: Pick ‘em
TSG Pick: Tennessee
Summary: Let’s start off by saying that we don’t care for either team in this game. They should title this week two game “the battle of overrateds,” because both of these teams have given no indication that they are actually going to be successful in 2015, besides the school name on the front of their jerseys. Two reasons why we are choosing Tennessee to win this toss up…one, and most obvious, is that they are the home team. It makes no sense to bet against the home team, as overrated as they may be, when the game comes down to a literal coin flip. Point two for choosing the Volunteers comes down to the lack of experience for Oklahoma. The Sooners have only had one real game to operate in a new offensive set, and we just can’t trust Baker Mayfield to command the offense during a critical 3rd or 4th down on the road, no matter how good of a dancer he is.

North Texas @ Southern Methodist

Spread: SMU -4
TSG Pick: SMU -4
Summary: Hell yes, boys. The day has come. We are betting on SMU, and not out of pity, not out of a sick joke or because of a lost bet from weeks past, but because we really think they can cover this one. Sure, SMU lost to the Baylor Bears by 35 (leaving us with a terrible week one push), but they showed an extreme understanding…almost as if they were a team playing offense, defense, and even special teams. The concept of team football was lost on the Mustangs last year, lending them to be the sure bet when the parlay needed that last little piece to complete your weekly train on Vegas. I hope we don’t regret this pick, but North Texas sucks, and we honestly believe that they suck more than four points worse than SMU in Dallas on Saturday.

Missouri @ Arkansas State

Spread: Mizzou -10
TSG Pick: Mizzou -10
Summary: We still aren’t sure what happened this Saturday for Mizzou against SEMO. Missouri’s offensive line and running backs, sans Russell Hansbrough’s one run before he rolled his ankle, looked like dog shit. Maty Mauk, coming into this season as the most experienced quarterback in the SEC, still continued to do all of the bad things he is notorious for, while improving on very little. The pick that he lobbed up to three SEMO defenders nearly cost me a new computer. I’m still watching the replays on the SEC network and screaming at the TV for him to throw the fucking ball out of bounds. Or take a sack. Or punt it. Or do anything except what he did. I will probably never understand what goes on in that kid’s head as he prematurely scrambles from the pocket. But still I come back and root for the Tigers. Like the naive chick who goes back to the asshole cheating “boyfriend,” I continue to get my hopes up that maybe, just maybe, this Saturday’s game will be different. Besides all of these points, Arkansas State just got the shit kicked out of them by USC this past week, and I can’t see them keeping this game closer than a two touchdown deficit by the 4th quarter.

Let us know if you all have any questions in the comments or send them over to tokensportsguys@gmail.com. We received some interesting inquiries over the past week; and once we sifted through all of the perverted questions, found some decent content for our weekly mailbag this Sunday. Follow us @tokensportsguys on twitter for drunken play-by-play content.

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