What She’s Actually Trying To Say With The Booze She Puts In Your Cooler

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Over the past few years, the time honored tradition of sorority girl cooler painting has become as ingrained in Greek life as pledging itself. And why wouldn’t it? Girls love to craft, guys love free shit, and everyone likes to commemorate their best memories of college in the form of a giant, insulated box of beer-icing glory.

Believe it or not, the contents of her cooler can tell you a lot about what to expect for the event ahead. Even the most skillfully decorated coolers can be tainted by the booze that rests within. She’s trying to send a message with every bottle or can she places inside, and I’m here to tell you what she’s trying to say.

A 750ml Of Cheap Whiskey
I’m not going to risk whiskey dick and give you a whole handle.

A Handle Of Cheap Whiskey
Fuck it, let’s black out.

A Bottle Of Fireball
I’ve already decided I want to sleep with you, but I just don’t want to do it soberly.

A Handle Of Jack Daniels
I am fucking awesome and you should date me.

A Bottle Of Jäger.
There’s an 85 percent chance I’ll throw up on you later.

A Bottle Of Malibu
Check my ID. I might still be 17.

A Box Of Franzia
I’m committed to making sure we’re more fun than every other couple.

A High End Six-Pack
I know how drunk you get and I’m being cautious.

A Cheap 12-Pack
See? I like beer! It’s like I’m one of the guys!

A Case Of Natty
I wasn’t allowed to give you liquor, and it’s probably for the best.

Any Amount Of Tequila
I’m already drunk.

A Bottle Of Scotch
I have my dad’s credit card.

Rumple Minze
I want tomorrow to be the worst day of your fucking life.

Mini Liquor Bottles
I’m fully prepared to sneak booze into the venue via bra strap.

A Bottle Of Grain Alcohol
We’re either going to New Orleans, or I have a serious drinking problem.

A Bottle Of Gin
I like you so much that I’m going to pretend to enjoy this pine tree-flavored abortion juice.

A Bottle Of Rum
I’m a freshman.

A Bottle Of Vodka
I’m a very selfish human being.

A Bottle Of Jameson
I’m 1/16th Irish and I’m trying to impress you.

A 32-Ounce Smirnoff Ice
I appreciate dead pop culture memes and GET ON YOUR KNEES, BITCH.

Multiple Bottles Of Wine
Can we just skip the event, watch Netflix, and make out?

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