When It’s Time To Quit Smoking Weed

Email this to a friend

Nice Move

I spent the better part of the last 6 years convincing myself that I do, in fact, enjoy casually smoking marijuana with my fraternity brothers. Getting high made my unfunny friends hilarious, and made me feel like I really understood where Kid Cudi was coming from with his “Man on the Moon” album. But the inconvenient truth is this: the terrifying experiences I was forced to endure around 1 out of every 5 times I smoked made my life a living hell.

I have my suspicions as to why this may have occurred. Maybe there is a time and place for pot, and I was in neither the time nor the place. Maybe tolerance was a factor, considering the majority of my friends were raging potheads and I was constantly attempting to keep up with them as they crushed smoke out of empty 2 liter soda bottles. Whatever the reason, the panic driven, soul searching, “OH MY GOD I’M DYING” highs have finally led me to kick the habit once and for all. By no means am I attempting to sway any habitual smokers out there (to each his own), but I have come up with a foolproof list to help you realize that it might be time for you to take the last dance with Mary Jane.

If any of the following are constant or reoccurring symptoms that you experience while using Marijuana, I’m talking to you:

1. Thoughts about the inevitability of death and life’s futility become insurmountable in your mind.

Laugh now, asshole, but this symptom of marijuana abuse is a frightening truth for many of us. Many a time I have been stoned and convinced myself my remaining 60 years of life are going to be spent as a total and complete failure of a bum. With each unique experience I would draw up a different inexplicably dark fate for myself that would never turn out to be true, but I would do this for the remainder of my high, and it was exhausting.

2. If you interpret bad weather as a sign of the apocalypse (even if it is only momentary).

This too was an incomprehensible symptom of my impotency when it came to my brain’s ability to enjoy a good toke. Any strange yellow tint in the sky during twilight, or quickly moving clouds, could immediately send my mind into a totally unnecessary brainstorm about the end of the world.

3. If when high you’re high you constantly find yourself contemplating about who in the particular room you are in hates you.

Yes, this too is a reality for the frightful smoker. Whether it is someone who you just met before you lit up, or a friend you have known since kindergarten, the thought may cross your mind that this individual thinks you are a piece of shit and that your jokes are awful and your company is unbearable. While this may or may not be true, this mental coagulation (mind fuck) is not something you need to subject yourself to. If this is something you have ever experienced while smoking, do yourself a favor the next time the bud is passed your way, lower the joint and carry on.

4. If you start to believe that everyone knows the deepest, darkest most shameful secret you currently have tucked away in your mind.

Calm down. While it is possible that all of your friends know you recently purchased “Born and Raised” by John Mayer on iTunes, or that you cried the first time you and your girlfriend had sexual intercourse, the odds are they don’t. And even if they do, they aren’t thinking about it. And no, you thinking more about it will not make it more obvious to them that you are thinking that they are thinking about it. The human race is capable of many astonishing feats; telepathy is not one of them.

These are only a few of the tell tale signs, my friends. God made dirt, and dirt don’t hurt, but this is the devil’s lettuce. Every man knows that there can be too much of a good thing, and if you frequent any of these symptoms it is my official prognosis that it is time for you to part ways with the green stuff. Consult a friend, write about it in your journal, call a help hotline, do what ever it takes to run from these nightmarish experiences and no longer return to your vomit like a wild dog. Just don’t go overboard and tell your parents. They will overreact and sentence you to an unnecessary stint in rehab. Nobody wants that.



You must be logged in to comment. Log in or create an account.

  1. 7
    Old Fratsputin

    If you think tweaking on pawt is that bad, try having a bad trip on LSD. You might be feeling like that because the “raging potheads” you are smoking with are losers with no futures. I feel that way too when I’m smoking around scummy geeds. It’s uncomfortable. Just cut down on it and find some better people to blaze with.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
    • -3

      ^ couldn’t have said it any better myself. I felt all those symptoms the first (and last) time I tried acid and had a terrible trip. Never had those experiences while stoned

      ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
  2. 2

    Marijuana is for hippie freaks, and low lifes who have no self-respect and people who like rap music and think that theyre thugs.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
  3. 0

    I wouldn’t agree with getting “I’m scared because I’m too high”, we’re 18+ male college students, that shit happens to people when they smoke too much when they’re 16. But with the rest of the article, when you run down the much plausible situations of legal trouble all the time, you should probably stop. I do enjoy herb but the simple fact is (right or wrong) legal trouble with it can fuck you over even years after an arrest. When you smoke every day (doesn’t matter whether someone says “Dude its totally bullshit that pot is illegal” even if that is the case) you’re playing a losing game against the odds. The House always wins in the end.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
  4. 0

    Oh and quit dicking around with us and post the butt pee photo. Your’e really to starting to piss me off, you guys.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
  5. 0

    Who the fuck cares if someone smokes pot or not? I have met several stoners who are way cooler, and much better brothers than self proclaimed “fratstars” that base everything they do off of what this website deems cool. Sometimes I feel like I’m reading comments on a fucking TSM when guys bitch about another man’s clothing or something of the like. WHO FUCKING CARES?! When it comes to other guys I’m friends with or associate myself with, there are only 3 things that matter. Is he affiliated, do I enjoy being in his company and could he be a wingman. As long as someone shares my passions for getting fucked up and chasing tail they’ll be alright with me.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago

Load More