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Which Drugs Should Be Legal?

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The American Civil Liberties Union and Civil Rights Watch have recently published a report that makes a lot of strong arguments for the decriminalization of personal drugs.

From The Guardian:

“This is first time both organizations have come together and made such a strong call for [decriminalization],” said Tess Borden, the report’s author.

The report, titled Every 25 Seconds, after the frequency of drug arrests, looks specifically at personal drug use, and not trafficking or other drug crimes. Last year, more than 1.25 million arrests were made by local law enforcement for drug use or possession alone, and about half of those were for marijuana use or possession, according to the report.

This report is sure to fuel a national dialog on drug decriminalization and legalization, but it doesn’t delve too far into the specifics of which drugs should and shouldn’t be legal. That’s where I come in, because I don’t have any “research,” “data,” or “qualifications” to cloud my judgment and obscure the bigger picture. So let’s break down some of the more popular drugs, and whether or not they should be legal. I’m ignoring marijuana, as your stoner friend Tres has already “informed” everyone who will listen about that debate.

Cocaine

Some of the common side effects of cocaine include irritated nasal cavities and dry mouth. How horrible! Other side effects include having the best time of your life, being a wolf of Wall Street, and talking a mile a minute about how great everything is. Legalize it.

Heroin

No. Hell no. Go ahead and watch Trainspotting (which is a classic), then try to explain why it should be legal. Absolutely not.

Meth

I get that meth can wreck peoples’ lives in a heartbeat, but by God Breaking Bad makes it look so cool. This is a really difficult one to determine, so for now I’ll have to say decriminalize. Maybe just don’t sell it at Walgreens.

Bath Salts

Nope.

Krokodil

For those of you that don’t know, Krokodil is a derivative of morphine that is extremely potent and results in serious damage to the skin, bones, and blood vessels, among a myriad of other deadly effects. It’s going to sound crazy that I think this should be legal, but think about the nation we live in. When you walk into a hot sauce store, you’re going to go straight for the hottest one they carry. Same with the recent ghost pepper craze. This country is all about pushing it to the absolute limit, and Krokodil is widely considered to be the deadliest drug in existence. It has a place.

Ibuprofen

Get this off the shelves ASAP. Do you have a headache from drinking too much last night? Did you fall and scrape your knee? Rub some dirt on it, because painkillers are for pussies.

Hydrocodone

I know I just said painkillers are for pussies, but this one makes you feel all funny. It should be in vending machines.

There are a lot of drugs out there, so be sure to offer your thoughts in the comments.

[via The Guardian]

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WJ Cope

By the time you get out of bed in the morning, he's already taken more L's than the 2016 Browns.

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