Before any of you Christmas lovers out there start flipping your shit, let’s take a look at some facts. Sure, Christmas is commonly known as one of the most wonderful days of the year, but no day is so looked forward to in Greek Life as the hallowed occasion that is Bid Day.
Thousands of formerly GDI women across the country receive the letters they’ve longed for, and join in the ever prestigious ranks of people I’d like to put my penis inside of. While Bid Day might not get the international attention that old JC’s birthday gets year after year, I think with a few simple observations we can all agree: for the non-geeds of the world, Bid Day is far superior. Let’s take a look at the facts.
Bid Day: Blackout renditions of “Wagon Wheel.”
Christmas: Getting inappropriately drunk while surrounded by your entire family.
Bid Day: Getting appropriately drunk while surrounded by 18 year old girls.
Christmas: The younger you are, the sooner you get to open your presents.
Bid Day: The older you are, the easier it is to open her presents.
Christmas: You decorate a dying tree with shiny stuff.
Bid Day: You decorate a girl’s face with shiny stuff.
Christmas: “Jingle bells.”
Bid Day: “My finger smells.”
Christmas: Most bars are closed and empty.
Bid Day: Every bar is open and full.
Christmas: Sitting at the kids’ table is a punishment.
Bid Day: Sitting at the kids’ table is the ultimate goal.
Christmas: Lying about your GPA to your grandmother.
Bid Day: Lying about your intentions to a grandbig.
Christmas: Your family expresses concern for your alcohol abuse.
Bid Day: Girls ask you to take shots with them until you can’t stand.
Christmas: You have to spend money on presents.
Bid Day: Presents are the older sisters’ problem.
Christmas: Possibly the worst weather of the entire year.
Bid Day: The best weather possible.
Christmas: Signifies the upcoming end of football season.
Bid Day: Coincides with the start of football season.
Christmas: Everyone knows if you’re under 21.
Bid Day: The only age that matters is the one that appears on your ID.
Christmas: The only babies around are the kind that cry and shit everywhere.
Bid Day: In 99.9% cases, the babies don’t cry and/or shit.
Christmas: The most disappointing gift you can receive is a fruitcake.
Bid Day: The most disappointing gift you can receive is a handjob.
Christmas: A celebration for a birthday that was over 2000 years ago.
Bid Day: A celebration for girls born 18 years ago.
Christmas: A happy distraction at the end of another year.
Bid Day: A torrential shitshow that kicks off another school term.
Christmas: “Wanna make a snowman?”
Bid Day: “Wanna do some snow, man?”
Christmas: Stuffing stockings.
Bid Day: Stuffing…other things.
Christmas: Getting laid is pretty much out of the question.
Bid Day: Getting laid is the expectation.
Christmas: You get a lump of coal if you’re naughty.
Bid Day: You get to pump a hole when you’re naughty.
Christmas: Midnight Mass.
Bid Day: Midnight liquor funnels.
Christmas: Your presents are a couple gift cards and some socks.
Bid Day: You present is 1000+ new sorority girls to hit on.
Christmas: A fat dude breaks into your house and eats your food.
Bid Day: Hordes of attractive girls are invited into your house and drink your alcohol.