Why Girls Should Stop Wearing High-Waisted Shorts

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I’d like to preface this one with a disclaimer: I am not a fashion designer. Man, it feels good to get that one off my chest. All I am is a guy who has some strong opinions and a keyboard, and I’d like to take some time out of your day to talk about a fashion epidemic that is making the beautiful asses of the world disappear, one by one.

If the title and that astoundingly subtle lead-in didn’t clue you in enough, I’m talking about the late-’80s craze of high-waisted shorts resurfacing on the rumps of college-aged girls everywhere. If the Bieber Fever epidemic has taught us anything, it’s this: just because something is popular, it doesn’t mean it’s actually a good thing. I’m here to explain why this high-waisted trend has become nearly as unwelcome as the Canadian pop icon himself.

Only Supermodels Look Good In Them

I know there are exceptions to every rule out there. If you REALLY think you know someone who can pull off the high-waist look, then please feel free to email me some photographic proof (joe@grandex.co). For the vast majority of girls, however, this fashion statement just doesn’t cut it.

Sure, the smoking hot supermodels of the world have the ass/breast/waist ratio to make this look happen, but chances are most girls on your college campus don’t come anywhere close. There are plenty of other trendy clothes to wear that don’t make you look like a two-year-old who is overconfident in his potty-training abilities. Let’s leave the “I’m a big kid now!” style pull-ups to the toddlers.

Your Homemade Pair Looks Even Worse

Look, I get it. It sounds like a great idea in theory. You head down to Goodwill, pick up the most mom-tastic pair of jeans you can find, and spend an afternoon slicing, dicing, and acid-washing until you’re left with a seemingly fashionable pair of chest-chokers. If only it were that easy. In most cases, the end result of this scissor-session looks more like your dog went on a destructive rampage in your closet.

If you’re going to ignore my advice and still rock the high-waisted look, the least you can do is own it with a pair of professionally made shorts. There’s a reason that some random 48-year-old gave away those hip blasting abominations. She sure as hell didn’t expect them to be transformed into a $3.50 crafting project for a sorority girl on a budget. Remember ladies, just because you can craft up an amazing cooler, it doesn’t mean you’re quite ready to make a fashion statement with a highrise pair of decade-old Levi’s.

They Make Great Asses Disappear

This is a magic trick that David Blaine couldn’t even pull off, yet these mom jean enthusiasts shock crowds with no sleight-of-hand or magic words required. The second almost any well-proportioned gal fastens that ribcage choking waistband, she might as well proclaim, “Now you see it! Now you don’t!”

Before the feminists start blasting me on Twitter, I realize that not every item of women’s clothing is made for the sole purpose of enticing sexual interest from men. But come on, ladies. These might be hip right now, but they aren’t doing your natural blessings any favors. As the old adage goes, “If you got it, flaunt it, and don’t hide it behind a lung choking tribute to trendiness.”

They Remind Us Of Our Grandmothers

First and foremost, I love my grandma. She’s a phenomenal cook, a great person, and writes one hell of a $12 birthday check every year. I just think the categories of “people I want to have sex with” and “my parent’s mother” should never have this much crossover.

It’s a scientific fact that the older a person gets, the higher up their waistline ultimately becomes. It’s like the opposite of the effect that gravity ultimately holds over your nipples. Why speed the process along on your 65-year journey to the old lady lifestyle by dressing like one now?

***

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StuffFratPeopleLike

StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments. All shameless praise can be directed to: joe@grandex.co

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    • 204
      Lollipopfop

      Wear whatever the hell you want. I threw away all of my fugly low rise jeans shorts pants and skirts last year never to wear them again. High rise does not hide any belly fat. Actually you need a really flat stomach or else it will show, but I have a great waistline. thats why I like them. I do not want my ass to look like a small rectangle. I do not want to wear a mile long shirt to cover my hips. You idiots act like people go shirtless or something. Its not like you see a girls shape in low rise. All you see is a four mile long shirt. I wear crop tops, and no way am I going to wear a crop top with low rise jeans because I am not a whore.
      Besides, high rise jeans are actually just normal jeans. The waist goes to your natural waist. not above it. Low rise is just a fad that started in the early 2000, and it needs to go now. I don’t want to pull up my pants twenty times a day, and I don’t want to wear some ugly ass period pice like low rise jeans.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 1 year ago
      • 123
        sammyw108

        Probably just fat shaming because he has a small dick. Women can and will wear what they want. No man’s opinion will ever matter.
        This article is just one man’s thoughts that no one really has to take to heart…. So don’t.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
        • 61
          BelowHerBibleBelt

          Jesus, this is the USA and we are all allowed to have opinions. If what is posted on this site pisses you off stay off the site. We don’t need this becoming like TSM with constant left wing attacks in the comments section.

          ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • 57
            CharlieRebelt

            This is more about that kind of comment then the issue on which I am going to stay completely out of…
            http://xkcd.com/1357/
            “I can’t remember where I heard this, but someone once said that defending a position by citing free speech is sort of the ultimate concession; your saying that the most compelling thing you can say for your position is that it’s not literally illegal to express.”

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • 9
            Penut

            Did anyone say that the opinion wasn’t allowed? No. the opinion’s stupidity was pointed out, thats all. And how is this a left wing attack to think high rise shorts look fine? You seem to think that women are wearing them because they want to piss off someone. Which is far from the truth. They are wearing them because they like the look. And they are not doing it necessarily because they just don’t care what men think. They just don’t care what men like you think. want proof? Look at your own wall of sluts on this very site. You will see tons and tons of pictures of women in high rise shorts. Read the comments. Obviously some men out there likes them just fine.

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 5 months ago
          • -18
            Rachelwww

            I’m about as conservative as they come and I think this article is freaking rude and stupid. I don’t wear these shorts but I do wear whatever I want and I wear it for ME not to look sexy for some sweaty, std frat boy.

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
      • 5
        W_asin_Win

        Most would rather see a rather hefty belly covered, than spilling out over the top of pants. And most people with that issue, find it more comfortable not to be cut by a wasitband.
        P.S.- Please make sure you cut them long enough to cover your buttocks when you bend over. Although you may think that is really flirty, it just makes a girl look easy and whorish.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 months ago
      • 3
        mcc070

        I loved reading this article, I love your opinion, however I love high waist jeans. They’re for sure not meant to be worn by everyone, you have to have a specific body type to pull it off, but i do believe they can be pulled off and not only by a model! However go look up high waisted jeans and you are going see that they didn’t lose their ass by wearing that type of jeans, the shorts now a days are just WAY to short and don’t give the chance to any nice booty to be showed off by their shape, instead people are actually showing their ass off when the shorts are so short we start to see the but cheek underneath the short. I personally believe this is the problem in 2014! (and don’t try to bring back low waist jeans, like 2010, I’ve seen enough of but crack for a life time!) Thank you! :)

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
      • -111
        Hoonz

        Pretty sure you contradicted yourself their… “High rise does not hide any belly fat. Actually you need a really flat stomach or else it will show, but I have a great waistline. That’s why I like them.”

        Secondly, the Highwaisted Shorts from Hell def are NOT normal jeans… I’ve never seen normal jeans have a 9+ inch-long zipper!

        Thirdly, the higher they go the worse they look, and that is usually what the fat chicks do to cover up their fatty fat muffintop. Plus it makes your camel toe frown even wider. Wide camel toes not attractive. If you have a wide camel toe, you’re gonna have a bad time.

        Fourth, wtf are you talking about with the shirts?!

        Fifth, if you wear a crop top with low rise jean shorts you can prove to us that you have a flat stomach and a great waistline. And that you can tell the truth. The whore part we leave up to you.

        And lastly, when this fad goes away in a few years because chicks bring back another ugly fad like Bell-bottom jeans you’re gonna be embarrassed to see the photos of you wearing shorts to cover up your love handles that you keep denying to yourself every time you look in the mirror. “Out of sight, out of mind” doesn’t always fool the rest of us. Your fat. Your shorts are ugly. And we’re telling you to stop wearing them and workout. Heed our advice or go buy some cats.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
        • 272
          213Camille

          Oh, you can FUCK YOURSELf. You have no idea what calling a girl fat does to her, and no idea how hard it is to struggle with that idea every day you’re no longer proving a point, just being an ass. Women don’t dress to make stupid frat boys happy, they wear what they want because that’s what they feel confident in. Why would you want to take that away? Besides, some girls are going to have love handles no matter what, and you would complain just as much if you saw those flopping over their low ride shorts. So get over yourself. It’s not about you and what a selfish frat boy wants to see. We don’t live to make you happy. We make choices for ourselves.

          ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • -123
            c-kat

            I’m sorry hun but if you were confident you would not be affected by his words. True confidence cannot be wavered. So……. you are probably not as confident as you think. That can’t come from anyone but yourself.

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • 38
            sdierker14

            Guessing you haven’t grown up in a society that tells you that need to fix your appearance every day in every form of advertising before the age of ten. I’ve seen friends of both genders bullied into depression by words alone, so don’t knock their power.

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • -135
            StarShieldandLamp

            “Women don’t dress to make stupid frat boys happy, they wear what they want because that’s what they feel confident in.”

            Bold strategy, but you may want to rethink it if you ever want to keep a guy around.

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
        • 69
          miszshai

          Actually I’m tall and curvy high rise pants does cover my love handles but it also define my curves just like high rise skirts on the right body defines curves. The only woman who can pull off low rise and a crop top are thin flat woman who have no dramatic curves. And that girl is right but the high rise pants. If you are fat high rise pants bulges and it doesn’t look good. It takes a flat mid section to rock high rise effectively.

          ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
        • -57
          Averagecollegeguy

          Look…. Just take a good long look. Where are you selling your feminist bullshit? On TFM. The male dominated website about college guys having bro time online. I’m tired of seeing all the stupid bullshit comments posts related to this. Go look at what else is on this site, porn makes your brain function less, half naked chicks and drunk photos. Go spill you shit about how you wear whats comfortable somewhere else. These shorts look absolutely awful, not saying I haven’t hooked up with a chick or two and found these awfuls articles of clothing on the floor, needless to say they ended up in the trash and she walked home with my gym shorts in hand a salty taste in her mouth. They are awful from a guys point of view posted on a guys website. This is my bro talk website and I would like to keep it that way. Take you stupid feminist power ideas and go bother someone else. Or do the world a favor take a picture of your tits and send it to every male other than your family in your phone and read all the positive comments you get. Then you can be happier with your wheight.

          ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • 85
            wOwza

            “Or do the world a favor take a picture of your tits and send it to every male other than your family in your phone and read all the positive comments you get.” Wow, you really think the only way we’ll feel good about ourselves is if we show our tits? yes, because that’s what we need, to be even more sexualized as we already are. When you have a daughter (that’s if someone actually wants to with you, yeah I’d be surprised too) but if she had low self esteem and body issues, would your advice be “Just go show your tits to every guy you know, maybe you’ll feel better” ? I doubt it. So why don’t you do us a favor and keep your creepy pig mouth shut.

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • -22
            Averagecollegeguy

            I will have a daughter in late July actually and she will be confident enough to wear whatever the hell she wants and smart enough to keep her feminist comments to her self if she would like to keep a home.

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • 41
            sdierker14

            “smart enough to keep her feminist comments to herself if she would like to keep a home”

            just letting that sexist bullshit sink in real quick.

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • 25
            sdierker14

            1. being a “college guy having a bro time” should in no way stop you from treating women equally. at all.

            2. your entitled to whatever opinions you want, but don’t expect women to conform to them.

            3. “feminist power ideas” legitimately don’t exist. That’s the opposite of what feminism’s about in the first place. Educate yourself before you sound like a fool.

            4. Proving your sexist attitude right here. Don’t body shame and don’t be such an asshole if you want respect from women in the long run. Lots of us don’t have a high bullshit tolerance.

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
    • 22
      Penut

      Look at the pictures on this very site. The wall of slutty girls pictured has half of them in high rise shorts. So…..

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 5 months ago
    • 9
      W_asin_Win

      The appeal here is that they are cheap and easily obtainable. Honestly, NO style is created for every figure. Higher waist bottoms have a market.

      They work well for women with belly pooch in the abdomen (some have that baby making layer of fat from puberty and some get it with childbirth). Low rise pants cut into the center of that and causes spill over.
      The highrise typically works for someone with an hourglass figure (waist 10-12″ smaller than bust & hips circumference). In which case, go a step further and emphasize your waist even more with a belt or scarf around it!
      The ideal body for high rise shorts is someone with a long torso and legs 1-1/2x longer than the torso.

      If you have a short or average torso, you will look like you’re wear pull ups (if you’re not wearing a shirt out over them). If your legs are too short, they will make you appear shorter and wider.
      If you have a flat bottom, these are not for you (unless, again, you hide your buttocks with an untucked top). Or wear a buttock padded panty-girdle.

      Wearing heels with cut off jeans will give you the look of a hooker. Go with flat sandals. Or tennies.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 4 months ago
      • 13
        Penut

        Women don’t even get love handles. they usually gain weight in their lower body. So no..its not some conspiracy to hide love handles. Low rise jeans with a long shirt do that best. The thing is..most men DO have love handles…and wearing low rise jeans under your big bellies look sloppy as hell, so get ready to fit into normal jeans yourselves, boys. Because low rise is on the way out. I do hate how low rise baggy pants look on guys. Really, really ugly. Tighter. higher rise jeans to an inch or two bellow the belly button is so much better on a hot guy.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 5 months ago
    • 220
      VVVV

      So if something makes your dick hard then it’s an okay fashion statement? This is a disgusting article and the reason why things like #YesAllWomen are more than necessary. NO ONE CARES IF YOU FIND SOMEONE’S BODY IN A CERTAIN PIECE OF CLOTHING ATTRACTIVE. It’s not your body, and a woman’s body is not there to please you. So if a woman wants to wear high-waisted shorts then she should. All the more to piss jerks with dick issues like this off.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
      • -15
        john from accounting

        To your first question: Yes, the whole point of fashion is to make someone look appealing. That’s why you judge women who look better than you and guys dressed as douches.

        You’re second wrong statement: the women we find attractive in their clothing care and the rest of you are jealous of them and calling them whores because they get the guys you can’t. Give yourself a step up and dress in an attractive manner.

        Third false statement: No a woman should not wear high waisted shorts….EVER unless she’s paid to get her pictures taken with them on.

        No dick issues, I gladly tell my woman what I find her sexy in and she gladly wears it. Just like I keep in shape and dress in an attractive manner for her. It’s a respect thing not a dick issue. Men fall in love through their eyes. Come back to reality Peter Pan.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
        • 87
          VVVV

          With that treatment of being “told” what to wear, I can’t imagine she’ll be your wife for very long. That will get old. Learn to respect women, they are not objects that exist for your liking.

          ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • 94
            Whatsnormal

            Let’s just pretend that you are getting ready to go to a nice restaurant with your significant other. He comes strolling out in sweatpants and a hoodie. What would you say? “You are NOT wearing that!” But since you’re a female, telling him what to do/not to do is okay, right?

            If you really didn’t care what others think and just wear whatever you want, you’d dress like the people at walmart. But, you do care what others think, you do care what guys think, you spend hours and hours a week making yourself look good when you are leaving the house.

            Guys, unlike girls, are unbiased and just speak their mind. I hate high waisted anything, and say so. I also make fun of douche bags that wear bro-tanks, so does that make me a self-hating male? Don’t get me started on Affliction…

            Guys can only drive the car as fast as it will go. What that means is that “pigs” and “typical guys” do the things they do because they get away with it. Women allow themselves to be treated like shit. Look at it as a parent and kid. The kid acts like a shit because the parent hasn’t taught them better.

            Respect women? Why is it limited to that? Why not respect other people? If I’m going out with my GF, and she HATES my favorite shirts, I’m not going to wear them. She doesn’t have to ask me not to, because I want my significant other to be happy, and what does it matter to me? Yes, if she wants me to wear a gorilla costume and look like an ass, obviously that’s not going to happen. But if it’s something I don’t mind, what’s the big deal? It’s possible to be your own person AND respectful. It’s not one or the other.

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • 17
            Notyourbusiness

            Of course you’d want to please your significant other, but it’s another thing COMPLETELY when some random guy on the internet tells people he doesn’t even know what the should wear, if my boyfriend told me he didn’t like something i wore, i’d listen, but I would not, nor any other girl in the world hopefully, care about what you or any other guy who is not that significant other says.

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • 16
            sdierker14

            you’re entire point is flawed. You’re arguing situational acceptability versus what you like to look at. Yes, if I was going to a nice restaurant, I wouldn’t go with /anyone/ is sweatpants. I’d go to class or shopping with /anyone/ in sweatpants. I probably wouldn’t where high waisted shorts to a nice dinner, but a man’s opinion wouldn’t ever stop me from wearing them on a normal day.

            secondly, women do not have total control over every situation. Granted, speaking up for yourself will hold sway in certain situations, but not all. I have been sexually assaulted completely sober. I have been followed by men in their cars while I’m out running. I’ve had to stand up for myself and defend my rights as a woman. Don’t perpetuate the problem further.

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
          • 15
            VVVV

            #1 You are assuming my gender, which makes you a complete idiot.
            #2 You said “Women allow themselves to be treated like shit.” No. You should go get an education. Thinking like that won’t get you very far in life. You have no logic to what you’re calling an argument.
            #3 “Guys, unlike girls, are unbiased and just speak their mind.” I don’t know what girls you hang around, but the women in my life do speak their mind, and they’re more beautiful because of it (regardless of what they’re wearing).
            #4 Do you even know what a “douche bag” is?

            ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
  1. 364
    deirdreislame

    1) my fucking ass only models can pull them off i look great
    2) mine are cut offs that i roll up and they are fucking fabulous
    3) i don’t wear shit just so you can appreciate my ass (which still looks good in these short btw)
    4) i don’t fucking care if i remind you of your grandma i’ll walk around in a fucking moo moo if i want

    you’re a misogynistic asshole. you think you get it, but you don’t. if you actually recognized the fact the women are good for more than ogling at and fucking, then you wouldn’t have a single quarrel with what we wear. women don’t wear what they do just so men can stare at their ass and chest. men do that regardless of what we wear. we dress however the hell we’re comfortable.
    “I just think the categories of ‘people I want to have sex with’ and ‘my parent’s mother’ should never have this much crossover.” could you be more blatantly sexist? could you be more open about you thinking women are only good for putting your dick inside?

    stop whining about girls not dressing how you want. we’re not on the world to please you, or any other men like you.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
      • -25
        Lea

        It honestly doesn’t matter if this is a satire website. These ideas are out there as we can all see from the comments and articles like this, whether real or fake, add fuel to the fire. It’s not funny. What is he making fun of? Because it’s unclear to me.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
    • 55
      Jan_Masterson

      Um, just because some guys think that high wasted shorts are ugly on girls doesn’t equal misogyny. Could the article have been phrased in a way that you might consider to be less “vulgar?” Sure. You have the right to wear whatever the hell you want, but that doesn’t mean that every man in the universe must approve of what you wear. If these guys think that high wasted shorts are “ugly” (which personally, I have no opinion of) then let them. Pretty sure I could find plenty of articles equivalent to this one about dumb shit that some guys wear. They aren’t whining because girls aren’t dressing how they like. They’re whining because they think high wasted shorts are ugly. I’m tired of other females thinking that “wearing whatever you want” translates to universal approval among the human race. You’re right, you should dress how you want. You can’t please everyone so why are you on here crying about misogyny because some guys don’t like your clothes? I can guarantee that at some point, a guy has worn something that you would consider “unattractive,” but guess what? It doesn’t matter, since, as you said, you shouldn’t dress for anyone but yourself. This isn’t misogyny. This is just trivializing some article on a fraternity website about fucking high wasted shorts jesus christ.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
    • -30
      tevii

      Chill out. People are allowed to have an opinion. The shorts are ugly and they make women ugly. get over yourself.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
      • 68
        Ashleylynn

        I am a woman and I totally agree that these high waisted shorts are like the ugliest things ever! They’re not cute at all!! I absolutely hate them! But that’s my opinion.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
    • -43
      john from accounting

      No you just dress how the movie stars do and call it fashion, then when a guy disagrees with you he’s a misogynist. Look in the mirror and wear what makes your attractive…then you’ll get laid without the guy being wasted off his ass and won’t be such a bitch.

      ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
      • 107
        VVVV

        You’re quite assumptive of people. I respect my wife and HER choices. I would find my wife attractive in anything she wants to wear. It’s called respect. And this behavior… It is misogyny. It is vanity. It is jealousy of a beautiful body you cannot contain or command. End of story.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
      • 49
        feminismisimportant

        thats because you are a fucking misogynist. thinking you should have an opinion over what women wear just shows that you see them more as objects rather than people

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago
      • 20
        sdierker14

        1. Disagreement is not misogyny. Telling all of women kind to refrain from wearing a specific article of clothing to improve his view is.
        2. Again, not here to please you. We’ll wear what we damn well please. Life doesn’t revolve around getting laid. Not for most people anyways. There are much more important things.
        3. No one wants a man that superficial.
        4. Standing up for yourself/ calling yourself a feminist does not equal bitch.

        ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 6 months ago

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