We all know the type. He’s that legacy from Beta who never leaves the house without his MAGA hat and who has Trump 2016 stickers on 95 percent of his belongings, including 3 on the MacBook he “bought” with the money he earned from filing papers at his dad’s dealership.
He starts the failed “U-S-A!” chants at day parties just before passing out in the middle of the yard at 2 p.m. This guy loves to get into arguments with his brothers’ liberal girlfriends — especially the humanities majors — making sure they know Hillary never had a chance. He hates his “commie” Macro professor because he doesn’t tout Reagan’s trickle down as the best thing since Natural Light. I think the portrait I’m painting is becoming more and more clear. He’s part douche, part full-fledged, red-blooded American, and he won’t hesitate to let you know, pussy.
He says he is “anti-PC.” He “doesn’t fuck with” gays or minorities, calling them every slur in the book. Women hate to be around him because he’s so sexist that it’s stepped so far over the line to the extent that the line looks like his knowledge of the American legislative system: nonexistent. His ignorance knows no bounds and, albeit inadvertently, he’s found a way to drag the good name of my Republican Party through the mud again and again.
To some, this is just your run-of-the-mill Trump supporter or a member of the newly created “alt-right.” To others, myself included, this guy is one of a select few who besmirch the reputation of the GOP by opening the party up to criticism based on the actions of him and his ilk. He goes on some self-appointed crusade against the establishment Liberalism at his college or university with nary a fact or statistic to back up any of the arguments he makes.
This guy isn’t even a real Republican, so don’t let the “Build That Wall” bumper sticker on the back of his BMW fool you. He is just a Trump acolyte embodying the worst aspects of our president. At this point, I feel I would be remiss to mention that this is not some tirade against President Trump. I would have voted for him one thousand times before even considering dropping a ballot in the proverbial box for the cancerous leech on American politics that is Hillary Rodham Clinton. I believe in our current president and have faith in his abilities, but you would be fooling yourself if you didn’t think ol’ Donnie J. said some contemptible things during the past election cycle — and this guy only keeps reminding people by spewing his ignorance to the public.
I would even go so far as to say this guy isn’t even a real Trump supporter. I would wager that he couldn’t name 5 people in his cabinet or give me the slightest description of his tax plan. In any battle of wits, this guy has come bearing only a cartoon revolver that unfurls a flag which says “BANG!” when the trigger is pulled. When executed properly, Republican arguments beat Liberal arguments the majority of the time, and you’re doing yourself, your “party,” and your nation a disservice by not arming yourself with the information necessary to put the safe space, PC left-wingers in their place.
Douchebags are everywhere, but the ones who think they can now use my Republican Party as a platform are bottom of the barrel scum. Do yourself a favor and make sure you know what you’re talking about the next time you feel so inclined as to counter-protest the antifa cucks who will surely invade your campus. But if you do not heed these warnings, remember: yes, you’re young, but no, you’re not a Republican; you’re only a douche..