With Business Down 20 Percent After E. Coli Scare, Chipotle Resorts To Giving Out Free Beer

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Nice Move

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Chipotle’s got a master plan to pick up their numbers after last year’s E. Coli scare: free beer.

It depends on your location (alcohol deals are mostly available in the Midwest for the time being — and no campus locations) but you can expect more stores to adopt the policy if things work out.

The deals offered also depend on location. Some offer buy-one-get-one beers. Some offer buy-one-get-one margs. Some even have Happy Hours.

From News Net 5:

Despite months of promotions, and clean health reports, Chipotle’s business is still down 20 percent from before its health scare last year.

The fast food chain has offered coupons for free Burritos and launched a rewards program in recent months, in attempt to bring back customers scared away by reports of food borne illnesses.

So it now turning to a page often used by bars and even frat houses to bring people in: free beer.

Damn man, I had no idea Chipotle had taken such a blow after that E. Coli mess. I kept on going like nothing had happened, willing to risk a couple days of the grunties for a big, cheap bundle of beefy, cheesy goodness. I’ve always enjoyed my toilet time, though. Passing a heavy turd is a great opportunity to do some light reading. Hell, the feeling of a monstrous ass goblin escaping the butthole is a pleasant sensation in and of itself (side note: try jacking off next time you gotta bust a grumpy. Feels fucking amazing). I assume E. Coli shits are a little more… viscous than a regular poop, but hey, it’s still a perfect excuse to sit on your ass all day.

It seems like just last week I was reading about how Chipotle was the most lucrative business in the fast food game. Now they’re sales are down 20 percent (20 percent!) and the Titans of Tex Mex have resorted to throwing around free margs to reel in customers who are too scared of shitting their intestines out to order another burrito. Oh how they mighty have fallen.

Giving out free beer to get people to come to your place. TFM.

PS: How the fuck do you pronounce the name of this place? “Chipot-lay”? “Chi-pole-tay”? “Chi-pottle”? “Not that damn Messican Hell Hole”? (my grandma’s favorite). I’ve hear all of the above on a regular basis. They should really clear that up for people.

[via News Net 5]

Image via YouTube

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