I’m going to write an actual, professional sounding news lead here (I do actually have a Journalism degree, despite the fact that I have used the word “doodoopuss” in published work on more than one occasion) because this story is so absurd.
“A crowd of Swedish hipster beard club members had the police called on them Saturday after a woman mistook the group for an ISIS terror cell.”
Terror police in Sweden have been called to reports of a group of bearded men in dark clothes raising a black flag above a remote castle.
But instead of Isis militants, officers responding to the scene stumbled across a meeting of an international organisation of beard aficionados.
The Swedish chapter of the “Bearded Villains” met on Saturday for a photo shoot at the ruined castle of Braehus, with members excited to be pictured with the organisation’s black-and-white flag.
And while the group might have looked menacing from a distance, when they got closer police found around 30 young men hugging and laughing dressed in formal clothes, not militant garb.
I mean it when I say I legitimately cannot tell which is a larger threat to American society — ISIS or hipsters. On the one hand, ISIS is out there beheading people left and right. That’s not good. On the other hand, though, hipsters are out there saving animals from being beheaded by going full veghead with their kale chips and gluten-free snickerdoodle soy wafers. For all we know, given time, the animals they’re saving will eventually evolve enough to surpass us humans in terms of sentience and begin to fight back. As for now, I’m going to have to give ISIS the slight edge on the threat front. Don’t count out those sneaky, smelly hipsters just yet, though.
Regardless of which group I would’ve taken the beard club for, I can assure you that I still would’ve called the cops either way and hoped for arrests..
Image via YouTube