Woman Has Sex With Man at Gunpoint WHILE HE’S DRIVING

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Here is one of those stories that is so far out in left field that there’s no way it can be fabricated. I am seriously at a loss for words, so let’s break this down piece by piece.

A Florida woman has been charged with armed robbery after she allegedly pulled a gun while having sex with a man driving a car.

The fuck?? See what I mean? There’s no way you make this shit up. That sentence alone pretty much sums up the article, but let’s keep looking at the events that led up to this…scenario.

Amanda Jean Linscott, 26, met the victim, whose name has not been released, when she and a friend visited a pub in Port Charlotte on Sept. 3, WINK reports.

Later that night, the two women went with the man to a private residence, according to authorities. Linscott’s friend and the victim reportedly had sex, then the two women left.

Okay, okay, so far pretty normal right? Okay, maybe not normal, but nothing Patrick Bates wouldn’t do. Here we have a guy who was in need of a few tricks late at night, and by the look of things, he decided to hire a couple of bimbos. We can infer that they had a few drinks at the bar, and were looking at a happy ending of a night, possibly finishing in a mirror powerpoint. And then the bimbos in question left. Nothing out of the ordinary.

The man says Linscott’s friend had said she needed money, so he gave her $120. Later that night, he called the friend’s cell phone and they planned to meet up at a convenience store. When he arrived at the store, though, only Linscott was there.

Linscott told him her friend had abandoned her. Then, he says, he and Linscott got into his car, where she started having sex with him as he drove.

This is where things began to get a little strange. I’m not really sure how this conversation went down. Maybe like this?

Man: “Hey where’s your friend?”
Bimbo: (Tearfully) “I went to the bathroom, and she didn’t come with me, and now she’s gone. That stupid bitch abandoned me!”
Man: “Oh, well that sucks… speaking of sucks, wanna fuck me while I speed down the highway?”
Bimbo: “Would I ever!”

Road head was SO last year, guys. You haven’t lived until you’ve put the pedal to the metal whilst having a woman ride you like the Kentucky Derby. Besides the fact that the man probably just contracted AIDs, you gotta hand it to him. Few have attempted such a feat, blatantly disregarding every single rule of driving safety. Though I cringe at the though of the seat covers after this pounding. Moving on…

He told police that Linscott then asked for cash, and when he said he had already given all of his money to her friend, she held a revolver up to his head. He says he punched her in the face so that she would let go of the weapon, according to WTSP.

The man lost control of the vehicle and crashed into a palm tree. His car went flying through the air, Fox 4 reports, then skidded across two front yards.

Annnnnnnddddd that just happened. The victimized man has just learned that nothing good in life comes free, especially not car sex. Come on man, you gotta pay double for that! I’m wondering if this part of the story all took place mid-coitus. Can’t say that I ever want a gun pointed at my head, but if I had to, balls deep in a slam is the way that I would go. After the car crashed into a palm tree (still mid-coitus?) the bimbo escaped the scene, only to be arrested later.

The poor guy had to be the most confused soul on the planet after this event, thinking to himself, “Wha– wha… but… boobies…driving…sex…vagina…but then.. gun? and palmtree? Why is my car…Why am I still naked? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED??”

Just goes to show, you should never get caught with your pants down.

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  1. 1
    Brosheppus

    Anyone else catch JParks’s news column on this exact same story before they took it down? Everyone still hung over at TFM HQ?

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago
  2. 0
    RightAsFuck

    And they say you can’t learn anything from Grand Theft Auto. When engaging in coitus in a motor vehicle always find a secluded area, get down to business, then run her over and take your money back.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago