Woman Serves Jail Time For Being Terrible At Faking Orgasms

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A 25-year-old Pennsylvania woman was sentenced to a month and a half to three months in prison after pleading guilty to a disorderly conduct charge for sex so intense it allegedly “shook her neighbors’ furniture.” The row home neighbors of Amanda Marie Warfel say they have been dealing with her screaming orgasms for the last two years, and have been the subject of harassment after confronting her for letting her freak flag fly.

From The New York Daily News:

The unruly woman would ignore the neighbors’ pleas to keep it down — going so far as to loudly describe the intercourse she was having mid-sex so that the children could hear her through the walls.

If you can’t afford to raise your children in an actual home, you have much bigger problems than having to explain the sexual escapades of the minx next door to little Johnny. Living in an apartment or row home should be strictly limited to your college and young professional days when you’re unfazed by the sound of the person next to or above you boning, vacuuming, or just stomping around like an elephant on PCP at 3 in the morning. But once you bring toddlers into the mix, it’s time to get your own piece of land like an adult.

As for the broad, she’s clearly the world’s worst actor. No dude on the planet is laying pipe so good for you to be causing a blip on the Richter scale. You faking it isn’t the issue — because 10 times out of 10, we don’t care. But when you start screeching like a banshee and make it so painfully obvious that the whole thing is a charade, you ruin the illusion, spit in the face of our pride, and make penises everywhere go limp. You deserve jail time for fraud.

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[via The New York Daily News]

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