It has not been a good year for the sandwich chain Subway. First, Jared Fogle, longtime Subway spokesperson, plead guilty to child pornography charges and to crossing state lines to pay for sex with kids. Now, after several months of the media shitting on the sandwich company, a woman has literally shit on a Subway.
Reports state that the woman entered the Subway at 5 p.m. fully clothed, and disappeared into a restroom. She apparently emerged two hours later, stark ass naked and ready to fuck shit up.
She promptly began to pillage the Subway like your obese aunt at a Golden Corral. She flipped chairs, threw food, sprayed a fire extinguisher, broke computers, tossed tables, and literally pulled down the ceiling tiles of the roof.
— KTUU.com (@Ch2KTUU) October 14, 2015
Many people around the world have just found their new spirit animal.
Police who arrived on the scene suspected she was under the influence of drugs at the time (no shit). Medics later confirmed that she had smoked the synthetic weed alternative, Spice.
The poor bastard who had to clean up after this lady’s spice-induced rampage said he found fecal matter on the floors. As if you needed another reason to not smoke synthetic weed, it could literally make you destroy a restaurant and shit on the floor.
Surprisingly, this shit didn’t happen in Florida..