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World’s Hottest Criminal Lands Modeling Contract

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Stephanie Beaudoin, a 21-year-old Canadian woman, went viral a couple years ago after stealing $58,000 worth of items over the course of 42 separate break-ins. But it wasn’t her criminal prowess that launched her into brief internet fame — it was her great set of cans.

This week, homegirl was sentenced to 90 days in jail. “The world’s sexiest thief” also locked down a modeling gig with some French-sounding magazine, Summum, and a contract with a top-tier modeling agency.

She’s pretty hot. Not cover-of-Sports-Illustrated-Swimsuit-Edition hot (actually, maybe she is. Thanks, feminism). But let’s just say I’d 100 percent let this thief steal my virginity.

HOLLAAAAA!!!!!

Posted by Stephanie Beaudoin on Wednesday, October 28, 2015

There’s a lesson to be learned here, kids.

If you’re an ugly person, you can expect a 90-day jail sentence to drastically hinder both your career and your life. But if you’re a semi-attractive girl with a hefty set of silicon jiblets, that same sentence is a doorway to a whole new world of wonderful possibilities. And here I am, sitting at a laptop with an insatiable erection, promoting her bullshit career and further perpetuating the world’s woefully misplaced sense of worth for the sake of page views. I know, I know. Fuck me. But I still don’t fully understand the concept of multiplication and Daddy’s gotta make bread somehow.

h/t COED

Image via YouTube

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Alex Buscemi

AKA Boosh. Former high school back-up wide receiver. Author of two pretty successful Reddit comments. Recent grad from the University of South Carolina.

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