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We Found The Worst Fraternity Recruitment Chair In The History Of Ever

In many chapters, the recruitment chair is more well-respected than the president. Which makes sense — the former is responsible for bringing cool guys in, and the latter is responsible for kicking cool guys out. So what if Kimbo spent $870 of chapter funds to turn every communal bathroom stall in the house into glory holes complete with high end GoPros? He learned his lesson when he accidentally decided to drop a deuce in the receiving stall and went eyes to eye with McGuinness’ piece. But of course CORPORATE doesn’t care about that, and feels obligated to pile it on a broken man.

A good recruitment chair can turn a chapter whose Saturday nights are more barren than a couch facing a television with Undisputed on into a thriving metropolis of low-end booze and middle to top tier sorority talent. Likewise, a bad recruitment chair can dig a struggling chapter into a deeper hole than that which is the focal point of a Thai ping pong show.

Case in point:

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Someone clearly didn’t tell their recruitment mans about the art of the deal. I’ve watched Serbian Home Shopping Network shows that were better at convincing me to buy their products than this guy was at convincing a rushee to join his chapter, and I neither speak Serbian nor have any interest whatsoever in goat udder sheaths.

“I DON’T CARE THAT YOUR FUCKING GRANDPA DIED YOU FUCKING FAGLORD IT’S JOIN OR DIE, AND YOU DIDN’T JOIN SO NOW YOUR SOCIAL LIFE IS GONNA DIE. IT’S DEAD. YOU FUCKING FAG.”

They say a recruitment chair’s duty is to replace himself, and it’s safe to say this guy clearly succeeded by not signing this kid who’d rather be an anxiety-ridden bitch than go join a fraternity. Pussy.

Do you have a worse fraternity recruitment story than this? Let us read it in the comments.

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a writer and content manager for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin. He has been called the "Patron Saint of Butt Stuff" despite never having engaged in sexual activity of any nature until he turned 21, which he is still convinced is the minimum age at which you can legally have sex.

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