You Know How I Know You’re Gay?

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Male students from San Diego’s Bell Middle School were recently caught watching gay pornography on their iPhones and masturbating in class. The boys, nine in all, were initially let off with a warning by their teacher, who apparently has a policy alloting each student one get out of jail free card for jacking off in class. However when a school administrator found out about the iPhone bukkakae the boys were suspended. Although it can’t be confirmed sources are saying that the call home from the principal was the most embarrassing in the history of the American educational system.

Supposedly the boys were watching the gay pornography to test whether or not they were gay. Here’s a pro tip guys, if you and eight of your dude friends are standing around jacking it to gay porn, you’re probably gay.

The teacher who initially failed to punish the boys for their study group gone horribly wrong has been suspended as well, and may end up being terminated.

Also for some reason an LGBQT activist is offended by the incident, because I guess… why not?

Gay rights advocates were upset when they heard about the incident at the liberally-progressive school, which banned the Boy Scouts in 1993 because they thought the group discriminated against homosexuals.

Patti Boman of Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbians and Gays said:

“I was thinking we were getting better and that’s why we go out and speak in schools. This is news to me and this gives me chills. It is terrible.”

So wait you’re offended with the teacher’s inaction? Or are you offended by what the boys were doing? I’m sort of lost. This is a really fucked up, funny story but I’m failing to see any sort of gay rights scandal on even a minor level. It was dumb little kids being really dumb. The teacher is clearly an idiot, but there wasn’t any sort of malicious action taking place here. Your chills are unfounded, madam.

Anyway let that be a lesson to you boys, reading hour is not the time to explore your sexuality.



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  1. 3
    Richard Head

    “…policy alloting each student one get out of jail free card for jacking off in class.” One of the funnier lines I’ve read on this website.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
  2. 0

    How can anyone other than PeeWee Herman be “offended” by this? It’s not because of gay, its because they were children watching porn (probably underaged) at school, masturbating. This has absolutely nothing to do with “gay rights”. I fucking hate people like this activist that think that just because “gay” is involved it is an attack on his/her/hisher community. I don’t get offended when I hear about people get in trouble for jacking off to straight porn. FUCK.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago
  3. -3
    Tallapoosa Snu

    That teacher is a bitch. We had a “three strikes” rule for beating off in class. And we didnt even have fancy internet phones in middle school you DAMN KIDS! We had IMAGINATIONS and HOT TEACHERS. Actually, that’s alright with me, the gay thing was probably under the “zero tolerance” statute.

    ^ ThisTake a lapLog in or sign up to reply. • 4 years ago