You Might Be A Tryhard If…

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In recent years, more than ever before, the ideals of fraternity life have become more and more mainstream and homogenized. I’m not going to say TFM deserves all the credit, but the national emergence of the wonderful “frat” lifestyle is no longer limited to the Southern states.

This has brought the unfortunate GDIs of the world some opportunity, but with great power comes great responsibility, and we’ve all seen the guys who take it too far. The beauty of being a true fraternity man lies in the fact that you can’t look like you’re trying to impress anyone. It has to come naturally, and those that reach for plaids and pastels every morning end up looking like fools. Here are a few guidelines for recognizing a tryhard, with your help we can surely stop this epidemic plaguing our fair names.

You Might Be A Tryhard If…

You wear a Speedo on the float trip because it has a zero-inch inseam.

You write “TFTC” on your professor’s end of semester evaluation.

You wear a full seersucker suit, and don’t own slaves or a plantation.

You play intramurals in Vineyard Vines print compression shorts.

You just started drinking Makers Mark a month ago.

You tell rushees you’re the “Animal House” of campus.

You wear a bowtie to class on a Tuesday morning.

You regularly shotgun beers alone while checking out your reflection.

You can’t identify the fish on the back of your Guy Harvey shirt.

You own a shotgun, but have never tried to kill an animal with it.

You refuse to eat bacon for breakfast because you’re #TeamDorn.

You have a different pair of croakies for every Polo you own.

You go to football games, but can’t name more than two players on the team.

You talk about how much game you have, but end up sleeping with a pudgy bottom tier slore every night.

You pregame your final exams to look cool, but fail each one miserably.

You wrap a koozie around your nutsack and tell your slam to “take a sip.”

You haze strangers on a day-to-day basis just so you don’t “get rusty.”

You wear any form of Men’s Lily Pulitzer clothing.

You noticed that I just spelled Lilly Pulitzer wrong.

You wouldn’t fuck Kate Upton because she isn’t in a sorority.

No one responds when you try to start a “U-S-A” chant in the Starbucks line.

You look like someone out of a Columbia fashion show but you’ve never been fishing.

You treasure your Costa del Mar’s so much that you’ve never actually put them on.

You can’t play JENGA because you only pick up blocks from the top-tier.

You’re in your sixth year or higher of undergrad.

You hate woodsers and marshmallows, because you can’t spell bonfire without NF.

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StuffFratPeopleLike

StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments. All shameless praise can be directed to: joe@grandex.co

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  1. 2
    Southern_TryHard

    As a self proclaimed “tryhard”, I read this column and realized I need to step my game up. Clearly I haven’t been trying hard enough.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 2 years ago

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