You, Your Internship, And Your Inner Savage

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You, Your Internship, and Your Inner Savage

Duder here, taking a quick break from my gratifying development internship in Santa Monica.

If you’re like me — working for the weekend — then you know hump days can be your worst enemy. They are late enough in the week to fill you with a quarter chub of optimism, but still several days away from the best part of an internship: forgetting all about it for the weekend and releasing your inner, drunk savage.

It’s definitely a Jekyll and Hyde ordeal. You’re at the point in your life where you know you have to wear big boy pants more than you don’t wear pants at all, yet you still get shithoused on weekends like you’re living a 24/7 Gronkian lifestyle. But alas, you are not Gronk, and you will never be Gronk, so get used to Mundane Mondays being a thing in your life. I love my internship, and I still get them. Why? Because Mondays are the cold turkey to your addiction to the weekend.

You want to make a good impression at your internship or job, so the longer they allow you to stay, the longer you usually oblige and keep your keister glued to whatever below-average chair you’re given. But by Friday at 6 p.m., my inner left shark appears — I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing here. “Closing Time” will be the beacon that both subconsciously tells you to hightail it from your workplace to the closest Friday night happy hour you can find, as well as the solemn swan song played on Saturday nights that it’s time to get the fuck out of whatever shanty establishment you followed a certain fellow female intern into. Seriously, enjoy these thirty-six hours of inebriated bliss (forty-eight if you get Sunday Slammed) because come Monday morning, it’s time to put in the work again.

The sooner you start your Monday tasks, the better your day will go. Don’t be that fuckstick who starts his day by slacking off on Facebook or YouTube. A peeping superior will be on the lookout for these special cases, as it truly separates the future execs from the gophers (and if you’re going to get caught surfing the web, at least do it while perusing Twitter or Total Frat Move so it looks like you’re trying to better educate yourself about current events).

If you have free time, make the most of it. Don’t be afraid to ask higher-ups if they need help with anything. If nothing’s requested of you at all, do yourself a favor and make yourself look more professional in any way possible. Me? I recently put stuff on my LinkedIn profile. No more blank slate, which is good because social media makes it so easy for people to track down your ass.

If this little degenerate knows when it’s time to put on his big boy pants, then so can you. The reality of it is this: The harder you work during the week, the less you’ll worry about drinking enough to kill a small elephant and sending numerous, regrettable text messages during the weekend.

When Monday does roll around again, you have to pick up the pieces and become a real person again, one laborious step at a time. That, my fellow imbibing interns, is what makes the after-work beer so much more enjoyable than any other beer you will ever drink.

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