It’s always a good time to round up a few of the guys and watch the draft, but it can be an exercise in patience for even the most diehard NFL fans. For some reason, it seems like every team has to use up all of their allotted time to make their selection, and the endless speculation by analysts can border on sickening. With this drinking game I’ve assembled, you’ll hopefully have a much better time hurling slurred insults at your team while they set themselves up for yet another season of mediocrity. The NFL Draft will begin on Thursday, April 28 at 8pm ET.
Take a drink when…
- Roger Goodell gets booed.
- Announcer talks about how “safe” a pick is.
- The words “combine” and “performance” are used in the same sentence. Also, the phrases “workout warrior” or “physical specimen.”
- A player is referred to as a “gamer” or a “baller.”
- Someone says, “Not sure how his skill-set will translate into a pro-style offense.”
- Jon Gruden verbally fellates a quarterback prospect.
- It is mentioned that a team is switching from a 3-4 to a 4-3, or vice versa.
- A quarterback “can make all the NFL throws.”
- A defensive player “eats up space.”
- A player “will really help this team take the next step.”
- A player gets emotional and thanks his mother when he is selected.
Take two drinks when…
- Analyst uses a metaphor from a sport other than football. (“This quarterback can be a really good pinch-hitter, but isn’t quite starting material.”)
- Jared Goff is referred to as the “Cal Golden Boy.”
- Analyst mistakenly says “St. Louis Rams.”
- Old analyst talks about when he played “real football,” or “back when men were men.”
- A quarterback is compared to Peyton Manning or Ryan Leaf.
- A small-school quarterback is compared to Tony Romo or Joe Flacco.
- An offensive lineman is selected, and it is said that the team is “building around their guy under center.”
- A player is referred to as an “offensive weapon” or an “athlete” when they don’t fit the mold of a traditional skill player.
- The Bills, Jets, or Dolphins draft a pass rusher who “can go and knock down Tom Brady.”
- A guest is brought in to announce a draft pick, then proceeds to stutter and mispronounce some or all of what he says.
- Mike Mayock gets too excited and his lisp comes out.
Finish your drink when…
- There is a trade in the first round.
- Jets fans loudly boo their team’s selection.
- “This guy is a plug-and-play starter that’ll be around for ten years.”
- A convicted felon is drafted in one of the first three rounds, and the team that takes them is praised for “taking a chance on a risk-reward prospect.”
- A punter is drafted before the 5th round.
- Emmitt Smith is brought on to hilariously mispronounce simple words and phrases. (“They got blowed out,” “It’s a rice of passage,” etc.)
- Anytime Johnny Manziel is mentioned, finish your drink and make it rain at a strip club.
- Anytime Ray Lewis is mentioned, allegedly finish your beer and dispose of it, leaving no evidence.
- When Tim Tebow is mentioned, do the sign of the cross and finish your apple juice.
- When the Browns are on the clock, take a drink and yell, “Fucking Browns!” Last one to do this has to finish their drink.
- When an analyst comments that a defensive back is good at coming up into the box, shout “Your mother’s box!” and finish your drink.
- If a photo or video from Brett Favre’s draft party is shown, throw in a lip..
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