Your Nipples Can Fall Off (GAHHHH)

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File this under “Nightmare Fuel.”

An inappropriate game of titty twister has lead to tragedy in New Port Richie, Florida.

This is the lede of a recent Miami New Times story about 28-year-old Thomas Matheson. Matheson was arrested on charges of child abuse after some friendly roughhousing between a man and a toddler took an unexpected turn.

Matheson, who was “watching” a 2-year-old boy while the child’s mother was at work, told police that, in the moment, he didn’t realize that the nipples had popped off in his hands like rusty buttons attached to a screaming baby.

Luckily the toddler’s grandmother, who arrived on the scene two hours later, noticed that there was something unusual about how her grandson no longer had nipples, and arranged for him to be taken to the hospital.

HOLY CRAP.

/Immediately reaches for pectorals

//Makes sure nipples are still there

///Tries twisting them off, just to make sure they’re nice and steady. WHEW, CLOSE ONE.

That is absolutely horrifying. Not the nipple, man.

“She noticed that there was something unusual about how her grandson no longer had nipples, and arranged for him to be taken to the hospital.” That might be the most casual description of responding to a horrific event that I have ever heard. I like this journalist. Her understated ways are Joe Buck-esque. “I noticed there was something unusual about the puppy being fully engulfed by flames, and arranged for the fire department to send someone to help. We’ll see you tomorrow night.”

My thoughts and prayers go out to the family of this kid’s tit. Nothing lasts forever. In times of tragedy, it’s important to remember the good times. You have to CHERISH THE NIPPLES while you still can.

[Source]

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  1. RisingFratstarOfTX

    While I won’t complain on the quali-tit-ty of these pictures, I feel I must point out that, aside from the erect baby-toes in the first pic, there wasn’t a single nipple to be noticeable on any of them.

    ^ ThisTake a lapReply • 1 year ago
    1