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10. The #ImWithHer
Bring your girlfriend to the bar, order all the same drinks she’s having, and ask the bartender to put your drinks on her tab.
9. The Long Hillary
The Long Hillary is pretty much the same as your typical Long Island Iced Tea. You’ll want three or fours shots each of the cheapest vodka, tequila, rum and gin available, topped off with just a splash of diet coke. Even though the well liquors are stronger when banded together, it’s still a boring drink that’ll rub people the wrong way.
8. The Moscow Trump
This is just vodka in a copper mug. And I mean a lot of vodka. So much vodka, people will begin to wonder why you’re obsessed with the Russian intoxicant.
7. The First Debate Shot
Pour an ounce of Trump Super Premium vodka into a shot glass, top it with 151, set it on fire, mix some cocaine into it, and throw it at the person next to you. When that person calls the police and insists you threw a flaming drink at them, shake your head violently and say, “Wrong, wrong, wrong” repeatedly.
6. The Wall-garita
To make a proper Wall-garita, you’ll need tequila, triple sec and lime juice – like a normal margarita. The only difference is, you’ll want to keep the triple sec and lime separate from the tequila. Then you make a Mexican pay for it.
5. The Bill Bomb
A Bill Bomb is similar to an Irish Car Bomb — a layered shot of Baileys and Jameson dropped into a glass of Guinness. There are two small caveats, though: you wait until the drink curdles so it leaves a bad taste in your mouth, and you have to drink it while on your knees.
4. The Donaldtini
Really, a Donaldtini can be any drink on the menu as long as it features an untaxed, imported liquor.
3. The Johnson On The Rocks
Not feeling any of the above options? Ask for a mixed Johnson. Moments later, the bartender will set a glass of ice water in front of you so you can sober up before you make any more terrible decisions.
2. The Salty Sanders
I was hoping this drink would go out of season, but it seems it’s now a permanent menu item. A salty Sanders is a very large glasses of sour wine that’s free for anyone who feels they deserve it. The salt content is predicated on how much you cry into it.
1. The 2016 Presidential Election
You have the choice of a shot of Everclear and whatever can be wrung out of the bar rag. Then you get to pay off everyone’s tabs and leave.
Bet you wish you had some better options.
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