It’s tough living with roommates. If you go random, you might be forced to live with someone you don’t like or won’t get along with. If you room with someone you know, chances are you won’t be as good of friends at the end of the process as you were at the beginning. Having a roommate can be a great experience, or an absolutely horrible experience.
Here are some examples of people who would not receive a five-star rating from their roommates.
I had a roommate that jacked off CONSTANTLY. I would unlock the door (which was on old school push combination lock, so it took a few seconds THANK GOD) and enter, and hed be shutting his monitor off with his hand over his pants.
This seriously happened so much that I had TO ACTUALLY HAVE A TALK WITH HIM ABOUT IT after bringing girls over once in a while who would catch him in the act with me and suddenly no longer be “in the mood”.
The Jacking Off Roommate is particularly bad if it is a complete and total stranger.
Freshman year college had bunkbeds. Drunk roommate comes home before me. He sleeps on top. He drank too much. He wet the bed….like an open fire-hydrant apparently. I came home later and sat down in a flash flood puddle on mine soaked to the core.
Needless to say, I threw it in the shower and told him to get me a new one.
Never sleep in bunk beds. It doesn’t end well. I speak from experience.
My roommate was this geeky 400 pound guy who watched Sailor Moon in the original Japanese. He had a tiny redheaded girlfriend who regularly beat the shit out of him in daily life, and he let her. On like 6pm on a Thursday, he suddenly asks me if I can vacate the dorm room until 11, as they’re going to have some romantic time. I was a little pissed he gave me no warning, but left anyways. Get back at midnight and walk into a scene of her in black vinyl bondage gear with a riding crop and a taxi driver’s hat, riding him, with him covered in welts from head to toe. Noped the hell right out of there.
Actually this is a pretty sweet roommate story.
My roommate was a born again christian who did not allow alcohol or women in the room. If he saw alcohol he would go to the floor manager and demand a room check since we were not allowed on campus. The floor manager would come in and ask “do you have alcohol” and I would reply “no”. The floor manager would try to leave and the roommate would burst in from the hallway and say “yes, he does!!!” but would not find it. I hid it in his closet every time. He never figured that part out.
Literally the same process would happen with women in the dorm after 11pm. Same two act play, same hiding place.
He would always scream about the women when they came in. “My momma didn’t raise me to shack up with no woman,” was his favorite phrase.
I asked more and more women to come in and stay until exactly 10:59:59pm every night. Eventually he dropped out of college from the stress.
I guess I am the monster.
I am in college and my roommate currently likes to jerk off and leave his used cum issues all over the floor. I have told him to clean up after himself a million times. No flushing or throwing them away. Grosses me out so bad and I never bring my girlfriend to my house because of it.
I had a roommate who was racist and obsessed with WWII Nazi. Thought it was just in a History Channel kind of way. He chose to read “Mein Kampf” for a class. Then he started writing juvenile bathroom graffiti in German in the stalls. He became upset when he found out I dated a black girl in high school. Then the swastikas started showing up graffiti in the dorm elevator, along with “N***ers” drawn in a noose.
He had a knife collection.
He seriously came back after the first week with an End table, folding lounge chair, and an easy chair, despite the fact that the room had no real extra space for it any of it.
He smelled, and tried to get rid of the room smell with a whole can of peach Renuzit one day. He left food garbage in his trash, left for the weekend, and when I empty it because it was smelling, got mad at me for touching his stuff. Said he “take care of me” if I did it again.
He said he hated kids. He was a special Ed major. I asked why he majored in that if he hated kids. He said “There are 52 Special Ed majors in this school and I am 1 of only two guys.”
Moved out the start of next semester, as soon as they’d let me. Paid the extra money for a single the next year.
If your roommate is a Nazi, spring for a single.
My cousin is an international college student who had just moved here and barely spoke any English. He moved in with another roommate to offset the ridiculous cost of a NY apartment. His roommate, met a pretty cute girl. However he discussed it with my cousin and agreed that there was something odd about the girl. He didn’t want to fully commit to a relationship just yet, but they still hooked up. My cousin also said that his roommate still talked to other girls, but didn’t move farther than that.
One day my cousin and his roommate were having breakfast in the kitchen. The girl had slept over the night before. The girl wakes up and goes into the kitchen and picks up a knife and stabs his roommate in the neck three times. My cousin freezes in shock but then picks up his chair and tried to fend her away. She then takes the knife and stabs herself in the chest.
What. The. Fuck.
When I was a freshman my roommate basically had his girlfriend(who’s own room was on our floor) move into our small dorm. They were banging all the time for 4 solid months. I’m waking up, fucking. going to sleep, fucking. got back from class, fucking. It was completely out of hand. It was every day at least 5 times for months. there were empty bulk condom boxes everywhere on his side. I basically couldn’t be in my room.
One day, I just wanted to come home from a long day, sit down and play mortal kombat with friends in my room, but you guessed it, that bitch was locked. I went to our lounge, dejected, and told my friends “I really just want to walk in there, sit down, and play just to spite them” one friend looked up at me and said “Why don’t you?” I was shocked. Then I nodded and said “Yeah… why don’t I? lets go boys.” So without even knocking, 12 people followed me as I unlocked the door, walked in, refuse to acknowledge them, turned on my xbox, and we played for hours. they just sat there for a while dumbfounded. That’s the same week I changed rooms. Next one wasn’t too much better, but at least I could be in it.
Off topic, but Mortal Kombat is one of the greatest games of all-time.
Freshman year I got bunked up with an extra roommate due to over enrollment. A cramped dorm room with three guys in it. For a while things were pretty fun and we were all friends.
But after about two months one roommate had a few disgusting habits. 1st he instead of walking literally across the hallway to the bathroom. He would pee in empty or half empty gatorade bottles and just let them sit in the open. That was gross. But then he started shitting in take out boxes and letting them sit all night or day until me and other roommate got back to yell at him. The third thing is he had a shoe box collection of used condoms be masturbated into. The smell was so horrendous and awful.
It took the RA and whoever else in charge of housing a month to finally relocate me and the other guy and eventually kick the gross dude out. So for nearly an entire semester at anytime you could walk into our room and see a shit in a container with leftovers still in it. A mosaic of different colored piss bottles. Or a soggy shoebox on his desk filled with used condoms. He never went to class and would play video games on his computer until 5 am everyday. I still think back on it nearly ten years ago and am blown away with how long it took for any administrative intervention to happen.
Sounds like a Florida school to me.
My roommate and his girlfriend’s anniversary happened to be on Valentine’s day. On the morning of, I awoke to smell of chocolate fondue and noticed him making chocolate dipped strawberries. I commented on how nice he was for doing so, to which he replied, “yeah and if she’s lucky she’ll get a chocolate dipped dick after!”
Now I thought he was joking, but later that night I heard a scream (not out of the ordinary if you knew their sex life… but that’s another story) followed by the door slamming. I went on with my night and figured it was not a big deal. The next morning I saw him in our kitchen and he apologized for the scream. Me being naive asked what happene. His actual response, “I wanted to give her dessert, so I poured the fondue right onto my cock”
He then had rushed to the hospital to get his burns treated… I could never look at him or chocolate fondue the same.
People are so stupid.
Moral of the story: If you can afford it, always pay extra for your own room. It’ll cost a little bit more, but having peace of mind is a priceless benefit..
Image via YouTube