======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
There’s apparently a reasonable explanation for the spike in the price of cocaine alongside the northeast Florida coast: dogs.
Now, I don’t know much about dog races except that they are essentially smaller versions of horse races and also make you kinda wish cockfighting was still legal in the states. Still, I’m guessing there’s good money in these races for the top dogs and assume that’s why trainers are apparently willing to coke out their doggos in hopes of winning a race.
From First Coast News:
A local greyhound trainer’s license has been suspended after 12 dogs in his care tested positive for cocaine.
According to records obtained by First Coast News, the dogs, all racers at Bestbet Orange Park, tested positive for Benzoylecgonine (BZE) — a metabolite of cocaine.
“This is the largest greyhound drug case in American history,” says Carey Theil, Executive Director of GREY2K USA in Arlington, Mass., a non-profit that opposes greyhound racing and monitors dog tracks around the country. “This is staggering.”
According to the state’s investigation, one dog won [sic] with cocaine in her system, Flicka, won first place in her race on March 1, and tested positive for cocaine the same day.
Disturbingness aside, look at those results. Olympic athletes are all out there running trial after trial, trying to shave half a millisecond off their previous times, when they should just be having pre-sprint snortfests; then we’d really be able to watch those athletes go. Those engines would be so damn revved that the 100M would turn into the 500M dash straight to the nearest club with bottle service and a douchey DJ. That’s must-watch TV, IOC. You want Super Bowl-level advertisers? ‘Cause that’s how you get Super Bowl-level advertisers.
You know the saying: all dogs go to heaven. In this instance, heaven is cocaine..
[via First Coast News]
Image via Shutterstock