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12 Of The 20 Drunkest Cities In The United States Are In Wisconsin

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Having attended the University of Wisconsin-Madison, thus surrounding myself with Scons for the better part of four years, I can fully attest to the fact that the state of Wisconsin fucking drinks. The old people drink. The college kids drink. Children are even allowed to drink at bars in Wisconsin (if their parents are with them) according to state law. That’s why I believe the below ranking of the 20 drunkest cities in America is 100% accurate.

From 24/7 Wall St.:

20. Corvallis, Oregon
19. Iowa City, Iowa
18. Lincoln, Nebraska
17. Milwaukee, Wisconsin
16. Janesville, Wisconsin
15. Racine, Wisconsin
14. Grand Forks, North Dakota
13. Missoula, Montana
12. Sheboygan, Wisconsin
11. Wausau, Wisconsin
10. Mankato, Minnesota
9. Eau Claire, Wisconsin
8. Ames, Iowa
7. Fond du Lac, Wisconsin
6. La Crosse, Wisconsin
5. Fargo, North Dakota
4. Madison, Wisconsin
3. Green Bay, Wisconsin
2. Oshkosh, Wisconsin
1. Appleton, Wisconsin

The main difference between the Wisconsin cities and the other cities on this list is that in the other cities, you drink to forget you live in that city. Missoula? More like Miss-who?-la. Mankato? Bleh. Fargo? No thanks, I saw the movie. In Wisconsin, though, it’s quite the opposite — you drink to celebrate living in fucking Wisconsin.

Also, to anyone complaining about Appleton taking the number one spot — stop right there. The fraternity brother who won my chapter’s “Drunkest Brother Of The Year” award for 2014 hails from a suburb of Appleton. Believe me when I say that it more than deserves its #1 seed, because it produces people who get so drunk that they do this.

God I miss Wisco.

[via 24/7 Wall St.]

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Jared Borislow

Jared Borislow (né The DeVry Guy) is a Senior Writer for Grandex Inc and a 2015 graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

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