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Welcome to Regester & Company, the world’s premier management consulting firm for the fraternity man, by a fraternity man. We work with individuals to not only get the most bang for their buck when joining a Greek organization, but tirelessly develop innovative strategies to flip the script and make the dues you invest into this Greek organization work for you.
As you may have gathered from our sleek and stylish but not overly exuberant wall fountain in the lobby, we’re an established entity that you can trust. They don’t just hand over rajah slate reflection creeks that rain down into koi ponds to anybody. That’s the blood, sweat, and tears our team puts into the job day in and day for our clients to deliver results.
Now, before we get started, can I interest you in some refreshing vodka cucumber water or a Natural Light? No? Alright. You’re all business. I like that. Let’s get down to brass tacks. Sprawled across my cocobolo desk are the calculated options we’ve prepared for you today. Take a peek.
Receiving Student Government Club Funding
Really simple stuff here. You’re going to pass a list around chapter to get three names of brothers’ non-affiliated friends. This is an important detail as you do not want to raise any red flags with SGA and have them be able to trace back to the fraternity. Sprinkle in some sorority girls into the names pool for diversity’s sake and make numerous 15 to 25 person student organizations mixing and matching different kids with different clubs.
The key is to make these as broad and inconspicuous as humanly possible. Clubs that no one would blink twice seeing on an orientation sheet like “The American Film Association Of The Blind” or “Magicians and Jugglers Supporting Israel.”
If you need school ID numbers, tell your brothers it’s a recruitment sheet and your lady friends it’s for future party and formal registration. Start and head a few new societies, look like you’re taking initiative to advance student life on campus, and pocket the funding provided by the university each semester.
That’s an easy $500/club with maybe an hour’s work a semester. We recommend creating anywhere between four to six new student organizations during your college tenure for minimal housekeeping purposes while maximizing returns and flying safely under the radar.
Energy Drink Multilevel Marketing Recruiting
Energy drinks. Knives. Skin care treatment. The product is really irrelevant. It’s not about investing in the merchandise you’re slinging, because you’re not actually pimping out the instant heart attack in an aluminum can or blade that can cut through diamonds and steel that you display during your “great opportunity” presentations. No, you’re selling an idea. A lifestyle. Is that a BMW 5 Series in the driveway? You’re damn right it is. And guess whose company lease that is? You’re looking at him.
Create a fraternity cycle of pledge class after pledge class getting involved and having stake in this pyramid…multilevel marketing venture — turning your chapter into a never ending funnel of recruitment — and we’re not just talking about some minuscule beer money. You may never have to work a day in your life after graduation.
Run A Backyard Summer Safe Haven For Newly Arrived Freshmen
You and the guys have always drunkenly talked about running your own bar. Why not pull the trigger? Start your own drinking operation in the backyard of the fraternity house during the summer. Most of these newly arrived freshmen can barely get their hands on a thirty rack, let alone waltz into the local college watering holes. Their idea of a good time is sharing a water bottle of whiskey amongst a dozen people in the parking lot of a Home Depot or trying to get a buzz from chugging NyQuil out of their parents’ medicine cabinets. They wouldn’t know a good time if it Sparta kicked them in the nuts.
So make some introductions during move-in day, cop some numbers, hand out fraternity info cards, and do whatever you have to in order to make an impression on the youngins and establish a day each week where your house becomes synonymous with their nightly plans. Get the fraternity to expense the booze under not entirely false pretenses of an “unofficial rush event,” charge $5 a pop at the door, and just split the profit with your boys working the door and bar. You’ll get praise inside the chapter because you’re essentially putting together a weekly recruitment tool, and some decent cold, hard cash to play with the rest of the week.
But isn’t all of this highly illegal, or, at the very least, unethical? We here at Regester & Company aren’t the ones to pass that kind of judgement. These are merely suggestions. If you want to go work at the Pita joint around the corner until 3 a.m. on Saturday nights, getting heckled by drunk assholes while you make their lamb gyros to afford dues, by all means, go ahead. We’re just here to offer what we believe are smarter alternatives worth your time. We can only hand you the key, not turn it. These decisions would be on your conscience not ours. But we will still be charging our usual consulting fee regardless. Koi pond maintenance ain’t cheap. So think it over and let us know if there’s anything you’d like to expand on..