1. Obama (hopefully) only has 274 days left in office.
2. Finals week is coming up, and you can’t (shouldn’t) get drunk in the library.
3. Because almost everything in the world is more fun when you’re drunk.
4. It’s Monday, and another shitty week of school just started.
5. It’s Tuesday, and you’re still pretty far from the weekend.
6. It’s Wednesday, and you made it halfway through the week. You deserve a reward.
7. It’s Thursday, might as well start the weekend early.
8. It’s Friday, and you made it through another week.
9. It’s Saturday, and what the fuck else are you going to do?
10. It’s Sunday, and a new school/work week is about to start, might as well go out strong.
11. You won’t get judged for eating a whole pizza at 3AM.
12. If you’re going home for summer, this might be your last chance to rage for awhile.
13. There are still a few more sorority date functions you could get invited to.
14. If you’re a graduating senior, this is your last opportunity to breathe in the debauchery-filled dream we call fraternity life.
15. You have to practice so you’re in prime drinking form come Cinco de Mayo.
16. If you made it to all of your classes that day, you deserve a reward.
17. If you skipped all your classes that day, fuck it, might as well get hammered.
18. There are sober kids in Africa.
19. If you just got initiated, you can finally unleash the drunken asshole within without repercussions.
20. It’s raining outside.
21. It’s sunny outside.
22. Alcohol makes you more creative. Seriously.
23. Sunday is Earth Day, celebrate by not recycling your cans.
24. You got drunk last night, and there’s no reason to slow the blackout train down.
25. You didn’t get drunk last night, and you’ll be eternally labeled “pussy” if you stay in again.
26. You would hate for that open bottle of whiskey to spoil.
27. You just bombed a test.
28. You just aced a test.
29. It’s your second cousin’s boyfriend’s sister’s birthday.
30. Because you’re a freedom loving American.