33 Signs You Suck At Partying

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party fails

1. You’d rather go 10-0 in beer pong than actually converse with other humans.

2. You regularly miss the pregame in pursuit of your first solo Victory Royale.

3. You broke your friend’s ankle by running into him with a golf cart on the second hole.

4. You ignore the girls at the party to spend time chatting up Tinder porn bots.

5. You wear the exact same costume to every single social, regardless of theme.

6. You always somehow end up in the frat house gym for a few quick drunken reps.

7. You start every party with hard liquor, despite the fact that it turns you into a hellbent force of destruction.

8. You’ve participated in an intramural sports event dead sober.

9. You’re the guy who somehow always ends up lighting something on fire.

10. You’d rather talk to your high school girlfriend back home than do a keg stand.

11. You leave the party, lock your door, smoke weed for an hour, and spend the night laughing at cat videos.

12. You got pink eye from a butt luge.

13. You beg your friends for hits of their JUUL like a crack addict, yet refuse to ever buy your own.

14. You leave a six-ounce puddle every time you “shotgun” a beer.

15. Your Sperrys smell like a crime scene smeared with feces.

16. You always seem to pass out before 11.

17. You’ve drunkenly demolished every folding table in the house.

18. You start deep philosophical debates about human existence every time you drink ever since you took LSD that one time at Bonnaroo.

19. You’re the “political argument” guy who doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

20. You count your beers.

21. You’re the fat brother who lacks a sense of humor and takes everything personally.

22. You hijack the bluetooth speaker and always play trash.

23. You pre-plan your “U up?” text recipients before the party even starts.

24. All of your shirts are littered with drunken cig burns.

25. You got a concussion trying to open a beer with your forehead.

26. You’re the piece of shit that tries to get the house dog drunk.

27. You refuse to drink Natty because you’re more of a craft beer guy.

28. No one looks at you the same since you ruined that sorority’s Mom’s Weekend mixer.

29. Your drunken alter ego appears often enough to have its own name.

30. You somehow always end up unconscious in your underwear.

31. You’re the guy who always tries to start fights with neighboring fraternities.

32. You wear your backpack to the party.

33. You’re a pledge.

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StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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