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34 Signs You Live In A Terrible Dorm

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  1. Your walls are made of cinder blocks…like in prison.
  2. Your windows have bars on them…like in prison.
  3. You’re not allowed to own candles or a toaster…like in prison.
  4. Part of your morning routine is running the shower for 15 minutes before it actually gets warm.
  5. Random insects visit your room just as much as your friends do.
  6. Your window A/C unit was not built in this century.
  7. You and your roommate have to huddle in the same corner of the room to get a WiFi signal.
  8. The combination of low ceilings and your top bunk have led to at least three concussions.
  9. You can only open your windows 6 inches.
  10. There are three toilets for 45 different people, and one of them is always clogged.
  11. You’ve heard people masturbating in the communal showers on multiple occasions.
  12. Winters feel like an Antarctic voyage, and summers feel like you’re trapped in the Devil’s boxer-briefs.
  13. Your RA regularly scolds you for showing up drunk, but still tries to be your friend the next day.
  14. The showers always look like Cousin It just came through.
  15. You had a whiteboard on your door for a total of two days before you got tired of erasing the penis drawings.
  16. It might be the smell, or it might be the creepy atmosphere, but either way you’re convinced that someone died in your building.
  17. You’ve busted your ass on laminate tile floors more times than you’d like to admit.
  18. Your younger siblings laughed their asses off when your family dropped you off the first time.
  19. Whenever you tell people where you live, they give you a genuine look of concern.
  20. You’re a grown adult, but you still have to sneak your hookups out in the morning.
  21. You’re convinced that the school furnished the room with the most uncomfortable chairs ever created just to spite you.
  22. Cooking in the community kitchen is hopeless because the oven hasn’t been cleaned in a decade.
  23. The elevator sounds like it’s about to drop you to your death every time you use it.
  24. You’re not sure how it’s possible, but somehow they managed to stock the bathrooms with 1/2 ply toilet paper.
  25. There’s one person on your floor who spends an uncomfortably large amount of their time naked in the bathroom.
  26. There’s a fire drill every other day, and they always seem to happen when you’re not fully dressed.
  27. You started apartment hunting for next year a week after you moved in.
  28. Your neighbor always seems to host Super Smash Bros. tournaments exclusively on nights before you have exams.
  29. You’re genuinely surprised when you don’t see or smell urine when you enter the building.
  30. You’d rather eat the hallway cockroaches than risk it with the attached dining hall.
  31. Your paper thin walls guarantee that you’ll hear every detail when your neighbor gets lucky.
  32. The washing machines should be called “slosh your clothes around in dirty water” machines.
  33. The dryers are nothing more than a creative way for you to waste $1.25 in precious quarters.
  34. Your mattress is as comfortable as sleeping on an XL-Twin sized pile of broken glass and rocks.

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StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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