1. Ask 10 straight questions in the last five minutes of a double-block.
2. Offer me a free vegan lunch. If I wanted the nutritional equivalent of grass on the side of the road, I’d dig some up myself.
3. Think that sidewalks were made for bicycles.
4. Think that roads were made for bicycles.
5. Spell my name wrong on my Starbucks order. It isn’t that hard, even if you happen to be a moron.
6. Call it “tailgating” when they crush a few PBR tall boys in their opium den of a house before the game.
7. Complain about fraternity guys constantly, but still sit and wonder why they have no friends.
8. Act like they’ve never been drunk before (to be fair, I’m sure many of them haven’t).
9. Grow dreadlocks.
10. Pretend they’re Allen Iverson on the pickup basketball court, and miss every shot.
11. Spend an hour and thirty minutes doing 13 different forms of bench press.
12. Talk shit as they walk by, and speed away as soon as you notice them.
13. Blast shitty music from their cars to ruin everyone else’s pleasant day.
14. Try to hand me fliers, as if a flyer has ever changed anyone’s opinion on anything.
15. Drop out of fraternity rush because they “just don’t think they can handle the commitment.”
16. Say that all sorority girls are the same, when they’ve never actually had a conversation with one.
17. Use any form of transportation other than walking to get to class.
18. Every time they use the word “ironic.”
19. Wearing jerseys, t-shirts, or body paint to football games.
20. When GDI girls they think they’re some kind of special independent person because they didn’t join a sorority. Nope, just ugly.
21. Stand in extremely large herds of people in random spots on campus “just because.”
22. Act like I wouldn’t hit them if they tried their luck on the crosswalk.
23. Always manage to longboard past you with the most uncomfortably close maneuver possible.
24. Stare at the jumbotron during the alma-mater after a football victory because they never bothered to learn the words.
25. Bash Greeks every chance they get in the student newspaper.
26. Become TA’s before they’ve mastered the fine art of pronunciation in the English language.
27. Posses at least 8 empty pockets at any given time.
28. Allow Ed Hardy to be a successful businessman.
29. Make Nickelback more rich than most of us will ever be.
30. Play God-awful covers on the street that would make the original musicians turn over in their graves.
31. Mess up my 2AM drunk order of McDonalds. “I fucking swear I ordered a McFlurry.”
32. Sit at the front of the class, like the professor is about to start throwing out free candy.
33. Rally for Obama, but understand none of his policies.
34. Drum circles.
35. Smoke feminine cigarettes, everywhere and anywhere.
36. Think that their opinion actually matters for anything.
37. Try to convince people that their church youth group party Friday night “will be a really good time.”
38. Yell “shh” constantly at my table in the library. This isn’t elementary school.
39. Make out with their beluga-whale of a girlfriend in public.