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41 Signs You’re Ready To Get Back To School

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1. Your casual back-home-hookup starts talking about a long-distance relationship.

2. Your parents are starting to get seriously concerned about your alcohol consumption.

3. You start calling your younger siblings “pledge” or “little.”

4. You’re genuinely surprised when your room is a mess and nobody cleans it for you.

5. You’ve already set your parents back $300 worth of snack food.

6. You miss having people to drink with on Tuesday afternoons.

7. You’re getting tired of every night out turning into a mini high school reunion.

8. You’ve already burned through three seasons of a new show on Netflix.

9. You haven’t sent an attractive Snapchat selfie in weeks.

10. You start to wonder what your now discarded Christmas tree would look like set on fire.

12. You’re almost starting to miss your classes. Almost.

13. Your Christmas money is burning a hole in your pocket, begging to be spent on cheap booze.

14. You’ve starting seeing high school teachers at the bars.

15. You’re sick and tired of actually having to coordinate designated drivers for your nights.

16. You’re starting to get lonely when your whole family falls asleep six hours before you do.

17. Your parents’ liquor cabinet is starting to get suspiciously emptier.

18. You hooked up with a less than attractive member of your high school class and need to forget about it ASAP.

19. The fact that you have to drive more than a half mile to get to a liquor store is legitimately depressing you.

20. The lack of 24-hour delivery options is great for your New Year’s Resolution, but awful for your drunken urges.

21. There are way less attractive people at the gym, so there’s almost no point.

22. You’re popping Adderall just so you can keep up with the 47,000 characters in the first season of Game of Thrones.

23. The kids you grew up with who went to community college won’t stop using the word “swag.”

24. Your family is not supportive of your habit to punch holes in drywall.

25. 75% of your text messages are to members of your house about how fucking bored you are.

26. Your uncle got you a gas card for Christmas, and you know this station, in particular, has a fantastic booze selection.

27. Hiding your newfound nicotine addiction from your parents isn’t getting any easier.

28. Your drunk booty calling hookups are hundreds of miles away from you.

29. The family cat keeps giving “Who the fuck are you?” looks.

30. You remember why it didn’t work out with your high school ex in the first two minutes of hooking up with them again.

31. You’ve spent more time in the grocery store the past few weeks than you had the past six months.

32. You’re sick of pretending you understand the concept of “casual drinking.”

33. You’re teaching your younger siblings the proper shotgunning technique.

34. Going out in the woods to smoke a bowl isn’t nearly as cool as it seemed to be in high school.

35. Your parents try to suggest a curfew, and you can’t help but laugh.

36. Your hookup game is struggling, because you’re unable to bring someone home to your bed.

37. You’ve had to explain that you’re still single to 47 different family members.

38. You’ve run out of ways to avoid explaining what your GPA has decayed to.

39. Your decision-making has become really good lately, and you don’t want to make that a habit.

40. Sibling fights are significantly less entertaining than bar fights.

41. You’re tired of being your parents’ personal pledge.


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StuffFratPeopleLike (@StuffFratsLike) is a writer for Total Frat Move, and due to his crippling OCD and functional alcoholism he can only understand and write text when presented in a numbered list format. So you're all jerks for calling him out on it. He is a self described Huguenot, and commands a secret sexual fetish for angry internet comments.

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