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Everybody makes mistakes, but mistakes are key to actually being successful. Without the many fuck-ups we have in life, half of our greatest inventions never would have happened. College is a time to learn, and not necessarily just in class. After all, how are you supposed to finish a beer Olympics if no one knows how to fix a dented pong ball? We all have our own very specific and personal individual mistakes, but these are some of the mistakes we will all make at one time or another in college.
1. Mixing light clothes with dark clothes in the laundry. Instant tie-dyed dress shirts.
2. “Come back to my place, my roommate is home for the weekend.” No, your roommate is playing World of Warcraft in the dorm room.
3. Assuming that outrunning the campus police will be an easy task. Since when did those fuckers do cardio?
4. Anything involving Everclear. Seriously, that stuff fuels 99% of nights ending in an arrest.
5. Aiming for the 8, taking home the 4.
6. Slumming it for the 4 to bust a slump, and taking home the stage 5 clinger 8. Changing your identity is a pain in the ass.
7. Underestimating the intensity of an exam and showing up drunk and unprepared. I didn’t realize 5% was an actual exam score that could happen.
8. Having a pregnancy scare, whether real or not.
9. Taking the theme for the party too seriously and looking like an idiot.
10. Taking the theme for the party as a joke and looking like a try-hard.
11. Being a try-hard in general. It happens to the best of us, but usually we grow out of it.
12. Attempting to impress a girl by telling her what chapter you’re in.
13. Assuming a girl is going to sleep with you because you bought her drinks all night.
14. Sitting in the back of your toughest class. You won’t go, and you’ll struggle to pass.
15. Juggling multiple girls in the same chapter at the same time. They will figure it out and attempt to ruin you.
16. Getting blacklisted by a sorority.
17. Being too friendly with someone else’s girlfriend.
18. Fighting someone because you got too friendly with their girlfriend.
19. Eating at the diner too often. You’ll spend an entire year of your college career in the bathroom.
20. Doing the one drug you always said was “over the line” for you. You’ll have a 6 month affair with it, then swear it off forever.
21. Buying flavored vodka. Don’t do it, it’s a bitch move.
22. Spring break in Mexico. It will be a mess and you will almost certainly not remember it, but it will be the greatest mistake of your college career. Just don’t bang the hookers.
23. Assuming pledging will be easy and the actives will treat you like they did during rush.
24. Starting a bar fight.
25. Finishing the bar fight the asshole who cut you off for the drink line started.
26. Going to a rave. Seriously. Don’t waste your time unless you like psychedelics.
27. Wearing clothes you care about to a paint or highlighter party. I have a pair of Sperrys that look like a unicorn vomited on them now.
28. Hooking up while sloppy drunk. Someone or something will get broken. Most likely you.
29. Bragging about your number to a girl you’re trying to get with. They won’t think it’s attractive that you boned 30 girls, save that for conversations with your brothers.
30. Sex on a beach. It’s actually terrible and you’ll probably be in a lot of pain for a few days.
31. Buying food from the local shitty Chinese food place. They only sell sadness and disappointment covered in MSG.
32. Assuming Adderall can make you learn everything you read incredibly quickly, like in that movie Limitless
33. Going out every night of Homecoming week. By Saturday, you’ll be done before the football game ever kicks off.
34. Tailgating with your parents. Keg stands are generally something most parents seem to frown upon, so don’t make tailgates with the parents a routine. Save it for Parents’ weekend.
35. Destroying your notes for a class. They tend to be the ones you need later.
36. Burning a couch. You’ll be really disappointed when you realize there’s no seats left in the house.
37. Blacking out before a flight/boat trip/ road trip. The hangover will make you wish you had died.
38. Taking a road trip to the nearest chapter that “parties really hard”. They’ll make you feel like you need to step up your game.
39. Taking an elective because it sounds easy. It isn’t, and you’ll have to work a lot harder than you expected.
40. Borrowing a friend’s fake ID. It tends to end with a lost ID and a pissed off friend, or several hundred dollars in fines.
41. Taking the “just friends” girl to a social or formal. One of you will make a move and things will be really awkward for a year or so.
42. Taking on a role you aren’t ready for. You will learn a lot though.
43. Assuming being on exec is an easy route to power and prestige.
44. Sneaking out of a sorority house after 7:30 AM. You won’t make it without being seen.
45. Trying to talk your way out of an encounter with the cops.
46. Hoping your term paper or semester project will do itself. Unless you’ve perfected some really advanced biology, academic papers can’t reproduce asexually.
47. Ending a night passed out outside or far away from where your bed actually is. Who hasn’t woken up on the President’s lawn, right?
48. Underestimating the power of well-made Jello shots.
49. Assuming you can just “wash off” glitter when it gets used for anything from social decorations to skit costumes. You will continue to find that shit for weeks.
50. Graduating on time. Admittedly, not everyone makes this mistake, but take your time and enjoy school. No reason to rush into the real world. You have like 60 years of it, at least.