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56 Names You Could Give Your Package

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If you haven’t named your penis, I’m not sure what’s wrong with you. Maybe you’re just an uncreative person who hates fun. Maybe you haven’t quite found that perfect name. Maybe you’re going back and forth because you’re not sure if you want to name just your schlong, or if you want an encompassing nickname for the whole package. Either way, here are a few ideas to help get you rolling.

  1. Ricky Wiggle and the Shootaround Boys
  2. Doctor Grouchsteel
  3. Rainbow Thunderclap III
  4. Billy Rope-a-Dope
  5. Old Hickory
  6. Peter Dinklage
  7. Sir Percival Bratwurst
  8. Meat McGreet
  9. Jordan and the Bulls
  10. Walter Rodstein
  11. The Nut Butler
  12. Fat Man and the Little Boys
  13. Dong Juan
  14. The Joyota Slamry
  15. Brad
  16. Jabba the Uncutt
  17. Mr. Knock-Knock
  18. Ken Stiffy, Jr.
  19. The Transcuntinental Railrod
  20. Urethra Franklin
  21. Hank Geyserton
  22. The Sperm Worm
  23. Santa’s Sleigh
  24. Chuck Boneroo
  25. Boompop
  26. His Holiness, Pipe Sextus
  27. Barry Beefstick
  28. The Honey Ham Zone
  29. Weenie the Pooh
  30. The Eye Dotter
  31. Mayor McSpeez
  32. Jizzly Bear
  33. Charlie Watkins and the Juicemen
  34. Professor SeXavior
  35. Marky Mark and the Spunky Bunch
  36. The Bone Phone
  37. Jimmy Spankwhistle
  38. Spewbacca
  39. DJ Jizzy Jeff and the Fresh Princes
  40. Space Shuttle Columbia
  41. The Vagina Rack
  42. Crosby, Stills, and Nash (I guess that makes Neil Young the asshole.)
  43. The Girthy Five-Layer Burrito
  44. Rammstein
  45. The Jive Turkey
  46. Pepé the Crying Clown
  47. The Chief of Staff
  48. Baron von Schlongerwiess
  49. Harry and the Hendersons
  50. Major Stiffy
  51. Slamson
  52. Spank Aaron
  53. The Hamburgler
  54. Sergeant Firestorm
  55. Roger Skinpole
  56. Trouser Bowser

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Sterling Cooper

Sterling Cooper is a contributing writer for Total Frat Move and Post Grad Problems. He has never understood why people like sand, and has been in a bitter ten year rivalry with Muggsy Bogues, for reasons neither of them choose to reveal.

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