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It could be sunny and pleasant on campus, or you could be smack in the middle of gale force conditions. No matter the weather, there will undoubtedly be cyclists scattered across your commute beaming at the chance to cut you off or splash a puddle in your general direction. Whether they’re ridden by a sweaty hipster or a police officer at the bottom of his employment totem pole, any time you see a bicycle on campus, you briefly consider the consequences of pushing them over. In the cop’s case, I wouldn’t do it, but if you were to “accidentally” knock a hipster to the pavement, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world.
2. Gym Douchebags
We all know the type- these are the guys who spend 45 minutes on a bench blasting at least seven different variations of the exact same exercise. These are the kinds of people who have a bicep exclusive day at the gym. The only thing louder than their constipated grunts is their constant smashing of 45 pound plates. While all you want to do is slightly counteract your late night booze and fast food habits with a little exercise, these people aren’t satisfied until everyone in the building knows how many reps they’re capable of pumping out. Sure, these type of gym rats can be found anywhere, but the ones at your campus rec center tend to be the most obnoxious.
3. Your Exam Schedule
Is it just me, or do professors secretly meet up at the start of every semester and schedule their exams in a way that will cause a living hell to break loose on as many students as possible? In a perfect world, exams would be spaced out evenly throughout the year, leaving time for relaxation and fun throughout. In the real world, this just isn’t the case. Some weeks you’ll be buried up to your neck in notes and required readings as three separate subjects simultaneously demand your attention. Other weeks you’ll have almost nothing on your plate.
I don’t know who decided that handing flimsy pieces of paper around on campus was a good marketing strategy, but that guy should probably be fired. For every mildly interesting or useful flier handed out, there are at least 10,000 that are thrown away faster than North West’s chance at a sane and normal life. With the 435 different forms of social media out there, you’d think that companies would start adopting a less worthless strategy, yet you still can’t walk through the quad without a bombardment of “DJ Cunttwister” concert fliers at every single turn.
5. Campus Preachers
What’s the last thing any hungover college student wants to hear on their way to class? How about the fact that they’re doomed to a miserable eternity of pain because of their sins? Everyone is entitled to their freedoms of speech and religion, but whatever happened to that “He without sin cast the first stone” thing? Hearing a bitter, old man drone on about all the things I’ve done wrong doesn’t inspire me to be a better person. It makes me want to break the fifth commandment.
You spend 4-6+ years living a drunken blur, meeting hundreds of people while making countless mistakes and somehow managing to throw just enough academic success into the mix to get by. And then one day, you put on a funny hat and it’s gone forever. Treasure it, kids. Funny how one of the happiest moments of college can also be the most hated, but that’s just the way it works.
Image via Patheos