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6 Things To Consider When Pursuing A Girl Who’s In A Relationship

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Here you go, you homewrecker you.

6. Stay out of her current relationship issues

If you think you have a chance with a taken girl, odds are she’s having relationship problems with her current guy. You can fuck everything up here, depending on how you handle her current relationship issues.

She’s going to vent to you about what an asshole he is. Don’t ignore her venting, but try not to agree with her either. Certainly don’t take his side — she’ll compartmentalize you into the same camp as her asshole boyfriend. If at all possible, try to direct conversation away from her current issues by ordering another drink or asking if she wants to play pool.

She’ll appreciate your concern for her feelings, but also respect that you won’t talk shit on “asshole.” This should start to get her thinking about the potential between you and her.

Note: If you’re already fully enveloped in her current relationship drama, you’re fighting a losing battle. Her current guy will identify you as the threat you are and make life much more difficult. Cut your losses.

5. Be there for her (sometimes)

Walk a tightrope between being empathetic and being her stress ball. She’s sure to turn to you for support when her life’s in shambles and she can’t turn to her current guy. If these issues don’t involve her current relationship (see: above), lend an ear, but don’t try to fix anything for her. Remember, that’s still his job. It’s okay to let her cry on you once or twice, but don’t let her get used to thinking you’ll always be there, regardless of where you stand. Speaking of which…

4. Don’t let her know where you stand

Stay enigmatic and don’t define the relationship before there is one. You’ve stayed out of her current drama thus far and you weren’t always a crying shoulder. You’re some sort of friend without the platonic connotations.

The goal here is to foster confusion. She shouldn’t think she has you on the hook or that you’re completely uninterested. By keeping things vague, you hold the power in the burgeoning fling. Avoid the “you up?” texts and be careful with how you speak about prior hookups with other girls, as to not show your hand right away.

A few weeks ago, I met the family of the hot bartender I was passively pursuing (who was dating a guy 10 years my senior at the time) and one of her uncles asked who I was in relation to her. “Is this your friend, or boyfriend or…,” he bellowed. After a microsecond of awkwardness, I quickly retorted “I’m one of her clients.” Boom. Awkwardness averted without showing my hand. And I got a few chuckles.

3. Find something that makes you an upgrade and focus on that

Watch your game film. Understand who you’re up against and know your strengths. You need to subtly imbue her with a “need” that he can’t satisfy and you can. Is he a jerk? Be nicer than him. Is he a philosophy major? You’re STEM.

In my most successful case of pulling a taken girl, I had to beat out a guy who was shorter than me and bald. He was my age and already a solutions developer for a big 4 accounting firm, making well over $50k per year, and I was making $11/hour working in a cafe. But playing to his weaknesses made her realize I was an upgrade in the physical category. He was also a Class A douche and, to her, I was as chill and funny as they come.

Even if you struggle to convey your superior aspects without being too forthcoming, her friends will notice and tell her. Maybe one of her friends is hot. Don’t fuck her friend just yet, though.

In fact, don’t fuck her friend at all. You’ll blow the whole thing.

2. Be careful with your first move

Calculating your first move is the hardest part of luring a taken girl. Move too early and she’ll say “I can’t. I’m with Ryan still, and I can’t do that to him.” Wait too long, and you might just settle into the mythical friend zone, or, worse yet, someone else will swoop in and reap the fruits of your labor. God forbid she reconciles with her boyfriend before you can make your move.

Be reticent of your feelings at first. Don’t try holding her hand or putting your arm around her at the outset. Just because you went home with her doesn’t always mean you’re going to lay pipe that night. If you’re confident in your closing ability and her latent feelings for you, let her set the pace. If she makes the first move, your victory is all but assured.

Always assess the situation and never plan your first move when she’s really drunk. That’s just sleazy, and we fraternity men are above that.

1. Beware: If she jumps ship for you, she’ll leave your ass just as easily

This is time-tested. If she leaves some guy for you, she’s going to leave you for another guy (possibly the same guy she left for you), especially if you landed her with minimal effort. You probably don’t want to date her.

Without a doubt, there are exceptions to this rule. For instance, you could be an overwhelming upgrade over her last guy, or he was abusive and she finds solace in you. In so many words, she realizes you’re the best she’s going to get. In the majority of cases, however, you won’t be able to hold onto her forever, and you should do your best to not get too attached.

As a final note, don’t go after your friends’ girls, and never pull highway robbery on a friend unless you’re convinced he can’t close the deal.

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Kramer Smash

Unabashed Pitt alum with an affinity for brown girls and Manhattans. Send lovelies to

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