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If you attended the University of Florida between 2007 and 2009 and happened to bump into Aaron Hernandez at Balls or somewhere else, as in literally bumped into Hernandez, thank whatever god or bath salt-induced swamp demon (this is Florida, after all) you pray to that you escaped that interaction with your life.
The former University of Florida and New England Patriots tight end was arraigned today for the drive-by shootings of Daniel Abreu and Safiro Furtado outside a Boston nightclub in 2012. The motive for the murders has been speculated about ever since Hernandez was linked to the seemingly unrelated men and now, finally, we may have our answer according the prosecution. It’s pretty Goddamn crazy. The prosecution alleges that Hernandez killed the two men, whom he did not know prior to that evening, after Abreu bumped into Hernandez and spilled a drink, and then did not apologize. In other words, when keeping it real goes horribly, terribly wrong.
Hernandez apparently believed that people had not been showing him the proper respect at nightclubs (this is what happens when you hog all the porn stars, Gronk!), and he had had enough. The altercation upset Hernandez more than usual. He was seen angrily pacing back and forth outside the nightclub on surveillance footage prior to Abreu and Furtado leaving the club. The victims, in fact, had no idea Hernandez was even upset with them. They didn’t even get an overly sarcastic, “Excuse me!” after the run-in, apparently. After following the two men Hernandez allegedly pulled up alongside their car at a stoplight and said, “Yo, what’s up now, [racial slur]?” before firing on them.
All allegedly over a spilled drink at a bar.
In light of that, let me give you all a little life advice. Always say excuse me, because it’s polite, and especially when the party perceiving offense is a giant man with dual tat sleeves and a look in his eyes that says, “MY PENIS ISN’T SMALL! FUCK YOU! RESPECT!”